a window to the present

art of the clap: lessons from Ded Moskito

2011-05-18T17:03:00.013+01:00

awe,appreciation,joy,praise,prayer,happiness,reverence,sarcasm.and murder.

May

2010-05-02T18:31:00.003+01:00

May your soul soar above blue blue skies, May this summer be yours to live, May your heart be mischievious and carefree
This May's eve we are all awoken.let us live forth like children of the sun.
a wonderful fun filled summer to everybody!

Earth Day '10 mamma Tierra - mother Earth

2010-04-22T14:37:00.006+01:00

Greetings of Love, light and awakening to everybody on this years Earth Day!

Certain ancient aboroginal tribes insists upon their belief that we do not own the earth, it is the Earth who owns us. However it the idea of Man above Nature which has given way to the concept of Man versus Nature- a battle for a lost cause. These anthropocentric ideas hurt the very soul and function of our planet. Earth is our mother and we are here only because she has lovingly sustained us thus far.

Our world has come almost full circle in its awakening and realisation that we must live in harmony with nature. This was the way thousands of years ago in the dawn of civilization. Today, every individual's concious action and thought is paving this forgotten path once again.

However, I do notice contradictions abound all about us. For instance, while searching for "Dragonfly", a good song by Ziggy Marley (an ecology affirming song if you like). the auto generated ads by google gave me ' expert suggestions' such as "Insecticides, Pesticides and PEST control"!O_o

WE dont really need to KILL pests by spraying a load of harmful chemicals on them, do we? We could instead evolve our thinking, put our heads together n go about the problem in better ways. Intergrated Pest Management suggests something called 'companian planting' when dealing with garden pest problems. Growing certain herbs and veggies together naturally controls/balances pests and plant diseases; the 'friendly' bug on one invading the 'pesky' bug on the other. Simple and natural! Any thing we attempt to do, nature does it in much more innovative ways than we could have imagined. We are here to learn.
[On this note, for any other pest problems, please always think organic first because there will be such an option available. We've had it with 'artifical' 'secretive' 'quick fix' chemicals adultering and choking up the earth. No more, please!]

I feel it is a great time to be ALIVE. Its a time when we can give to our mother all she needs in her troubled times.

-In any small way that we can and with our own two hands-

of mice and men

2010-04-10T19:33:00.004+01:00

a town girl sees a village boy strumming softly on his guitar
his sisters, a brown puppy surrond him by the sunny steps of his hut
she wishes for such humble pleasures and a peek into his heart
a village boy hears a town girl singing softly to herself
through breezy curtians on a high window he hopes to catch a glimpse
he longs for such lofty pleasures and a peek into her heart

what needless divides have we created on such boundless space?
walls of earth of money of fear of folly
walls fated to crumble and cave in on the very society that built it

smile, its April

2010-04-03T20:04:00.003+01:00

Welcome april, welcome spring!
ive always liked the sound of the word April.. i like the way it feels when i say it... how the tongue softly twirls and tickles the roof of my mouth. I like the wave of nostalgia that hits me when I think of April too.
Its specail to me beacuse maybe I was born in this month. maybe because I picture my childhood among little yellow springtime flowers. Or more so because it means new beginnings- of all things fresh, explosion of colours, songs of birds and the light of our great warm sun! Wishing everybody under it, a joyful april!!

anamcara

2010-03-17T19:39:00.005Z

because of your love I am love, lover and beloved.
thank you for your light you've shared with me. our island is a place, you ar the music and i am the dance. you will always remain my anam-cara, my soul-friend xx

and its...

2009-12-08T20:14:00.001Z

back to black

wierd fishes

2009-11-15T21:52:00.000Z

Worried about Angel...I often catch her lying belly up or sideways almost looking dead. I think she is sick. Dont die on me pls.
Nemo aka naranjito is fine just like he's always been.
( Ive rediscovered blogging)

haru!

2008-03-04T20:16:00.000Z

Found a pound in a coat last worn a few months ago and left lying on a pile of pile thats my wadrobe. a pound! suure...will get me a busride someplace nice:)Then I checked the other pocket and found 15 ahaha. am one happy bunny needless to say. its like free beer money except its not free, just forgotten. its worth it, the pleasures of spring cleaning coz u are bound to find something you thought u had lost in winters darkness. that brand new grapefruit lipgloss, hair ties, lighters, bank roll, sanity. Glad its spring again!

Freeze!

2008-02-24T19:05:00.000Z

This weekend was edinburgh's very own big FREEZE! (link to New York version). Thanks to facebook!
Other than chilly bouts of wind, it was a decently sunny day. We met in front of the Scots monument in princes street for a briefing from the organizers of the event. Then walked over to the gallery square where we froze on cue for 5 minutes in position then unfroze and walked on like nothing big had happened. There were about 200, maybe more of us. What was the point in all of this? ...just for laughs i guess:)
the cool bit was when cluless people passing by looked freaked out and amused at the same time and were like 'oh these people are fucking crazy!' lol.
Me and a friend were busy chatting and missed the cue to start freezing so by the time we realized it had begun, we were caught at a very random moment. Who knows what i was doing with one hand in the air but i was stuck like that for the next 4 minutes something seconds! It was a pretty good freeze i think except for the occasional shivering coz of the bloody wind. Everyone participating did a good job despite those nutters roaming around with marker pens ahaha.
Would've been cooler if the freeze had happened in the station like in NY but oh well. It was an experience .. tons of people just shutting the hell up and standing still for 5 minutes! Very rare...like the world itself had stopped spinning and time had stood still n all that. I only took a few pre-freeze videos but soon as i get one of the actual freeze will try and put it up.

Went for sushi after that. Spoke some japanese and we got drinks on the house! except we ended up giving a massive tip so it was as good as paying for it! I should learn to walk away guiltlessly with freebies. I mean I used to be good at these things, at being..cheap and shameless!

vodka bar

2008-02-09T15:42:00.000Z

I have been everything but decently happy for the past endless months and at one point last night, I remember feeling deeply happy or mistaking something else for happiness. Either way it worked well coz I was loving my drunken reality, its a pity I don't remember much of it. The loud useless banter, the drunken company, dangerously uncoordinated jwalks, sudden immunity to the biting cold and a daring sense of being invinsible. I love alcohol.

2008-02-05T23:43:00.000Z

" don't mind me, i'm only waiting

moving day

2007-08-28T22:35:00.000+01:00

August 2006: leaving kyowadaini 305
August 2007: leaving 64/6 w.mains...
I don't know how I managed it but I did. Woke up today with a hangover at 1 in the afternoon, packed a suitcase and two big boxes, moved it all to a friends place where I'll be staying till I get a flat (hopefully soon), went across town for a flat viewing appointment,ran half a mile to catch a bus back, took a shower got ready for dinner at a friends, again another side of town...by the end of it all...even though I managed to do alot today, I don't know exactly how I did it...it was all such a rush. Now im back home, dead tired for one last time, sleeping on this bed for one last night. Still got some laundry do to and a box and some other stuff to haul over to temp flat in the early hours of morning. Then at 10 am, Mr. manager is gna come a -knockin' to check the place. My room is pretty alright..guess I can expect the deposit back. It better be so.
hmmm..doesnt look like tomorrow is gna be a chill out day either....more moving stuff, defrosting fridge, clearing a messy kitchen, bank stuff, dropping some clothes at cancer research .....guess i can relaaaax only after a few weeks...once i find,move and get settled in a place to call my own. I've had it with the moving. Also, NO INTERNET till i find a place so thats gna be a bit testing.
Have seen five flats till now, one was ...out of this world- clean, ikea furnishings, white carpets, gorgeous kitchen and large double bedrooms, en suit bathroom AND a communal garden AND holyrood park and the palace just 2 mintes walk away!! One place me n my current flatmate both loooved without any arguments! The landlord was sweet as well, a young guy...an architect... thereby explaining the excellent choice of interior designs. Anyway, the catch is..there is alot of competition for this place so he said he'll call us to let us know if we've got it. The wait is killing me coz want it soo bad. its gorgeous! Got my eyes n heart set on it. hope I won't have to get dissappointed coz the rest of the places are victorian tenement dumps compared to this one. fingers crossed.
Am very sad one of my uni friend is leaving for good. At his farewell dinner tonight, the food was good but the mood was bitter. If stress with moving wasnt enough by itself add to that the emotional turmoil of letting go...I did this whole thing a year ago dammit....now its happening all over again.

2007-08-26T20:29:00.000+01:00

dissertation status: over!
degree status: pending!
So this wait until November to find out if I get a Master of Science Degree or just a diploma is going to be intersting to say the least. The dissertation is the deciding factor. My work on it was a bit sketchy. Not sure if my not-so-rational arguements and methodological approach to policy research was academially valid, let alone intellectually stimulating. I was the last person in my course to submit my work and that too an hour late! I sat there trying to proof read and edit my 14700 word paper in front of a very pissed off postgrad secretary. Finally, she said its time she locked the office and went home after which I had no choice but to print my haphazard paper, un edited, un formatted, a mess- and sumbit it. I know right now what will play against me in marking-
a, Word count ...which was supposed to be 20,000.
b,lots of erronous writing
c, s fucked up title which I came up with in the last 2 minutes coz I had totally forgot about giving my work a title!!
d, a 2 paragraph disoriented conclusion written in 20 minutes.
e,awhole paragraph I was supposed to delete but forgot to in the last minute therefore looking like sore thumb in a fairly satisfactory flow of argument.
f, stands for FUCK!!!!!
g, alot more that two examiners are going to crtitique on.

Considering the above, my chances for a degree is on shaky grounds. I might get a 2 week period of revision if I come under the fail criteria. This is to improve the work a little so it can come up to a "proceed to MSc." criteria. But even of that does happen, it delays my graduation for up until a year!

This uncertainty imples that I cannot start looking for graduate jobs coz im not sure if im gratuating with a degree! As if I needed a reason NOT to job hunt in the first place. I was just looking through career services website for graduate jobs currently on offer...and there was nothing. Either their requirements put me off coz they asked for the PERFECT employable person or the job description itself was not my cup of ..erm..not my shot of tequila. I started with environmental consultant job search cz its relevant to my studies. But by the end of two hours, I was searching for jobs in publishing and editing, temping for lawyers, safari guides, and even law enforcement with the Strathcyle police!! Whatever will become of me. Meanwhile, I am slowly getting pressurized by mother dearest to start looking for the one...how she will not have me unmarried until im 30 or something. All this seems surreal to me- career,marriage, starting a family. I am old enough and I should get real but somehow,to borrow an analogy, peter pan still asks me to fly out the window. This is starting to be of some concern to me now.
Should I take it as it comes like i always have? Will things work out fine that way? Will life work out fine? The unanswered questions collected during this strange limbo is the worst of its kind.
I dont have a strategy for life, no game plan...I doubt many do either. My immediate hurdle is to find a decent flat and move in ASAP. Once thats realized will move on to the next question which is appropriately, "Now what?". Guess will take it as it comes coz I dont know any other way. I will not ask God for strength and clarity of vision for some gaol in life. Because what the guy does is just give you a trying situation to get yourself out of and "find" the strength in you yourself. All he does is give you a cloud of fog and mist to "find" what you search for.

Military Tattoo- an experience worth the rain and money!

2007-08-15T00:17:00.000+01:00

The 2007 Edinburgh Military Tattoo was simply amazing despite the light rain through out- a typically scottish expereince in a typically scottish weather. Never seen so many people in the city all at once. Despite the wet cold weather, the festival atmosphere was everywhere. Everyone seemed to be wearing those hideous one-size-fits-all ponchos with the scottish flag or the thistle flower printed on them. On the walk up to the castle, I was soon one of them, donning a yellow plastic rain poncho with scotland written all over it! We reached the castle just in time and the minute we settled in on our wet seats, the first performance started with a bang. It was the scottish military drill and band performances...imagine the sounds of a hundred bagpipes in the background of the castle at nighttime! That was followed by the taiwanese senior high school, all girls band which was quite amazing. Then there was the most amazing bike stunts I've ever seen in me life and we're talking 8 yr olds to 17 yr olds here! They ROCKed. Next up was the american and russian military band followed by the worlds only military steel drum band from trinidad and tobago! Fun fun. There was lot of fun stuff in between and as a finale ( my fav part), there was a lone scottish bagpiper playing on top of the castle with brilliant fireworks ... even when I think of it now I get goosebumps coz it was just so powerful and moving. One wierd thing was that on the eve of the 60th annivesary of my country's independence from the British, I had to stand for the English National Anthem at the end of the show! But it was all good. All in all, Im glad I didnt miss this. The entire experience was breathtaking. Its a little after midnight now, just got back home. And after a cup of extra strong expresso...im ready to stay up all night working on my dissertation. Will try and post some pics if they've come out nice. I still cant figure out alot of functions in my camera! :(

update on Dissertation and ME :)

2007-08-13T01:39:00.000+01:00

Hello, Just dropped in for a bit to "take mind of dissertation". Am in the kitchen with my two other flatmates speed tying our dissertations. I have wasted alot of time no doubt and with about 10 days left, I was still finding new things to watch on youtube like Indian Idol!! The two of them came to my room today and dragged me out to sit with them in the bright kitchen without internet connection!! I did and it was a good thing. infact I should have done it ages ago. Coz without internet and in such a bright open room, u are bound to get some work done! I did about 1200 words today maing my total so far 7300. My ass hurts a bit coz of sitting for loooong hours typing. I have 20,000- 7300 words more to go. How much is that? I've been up working on this for 12 hours straight, I couldn't do the math if i tried.
Going to view a flat tomorrow. Have to move out by 29th. The twats hav also given a time. I feel like i have been living in a hotel for 9 months coz my "checkout time" is 11 am. Wonder if they'll fine me if I stay an hour longer hehe. Have got tickets or the Edinburgh Military Tattoo on tuesday. Its up at the castle but its been raining again so bet its gna be a wet evening. The festival season here is so great. Its a pity I cant make it to too many shows. Would love to catch a theatre and standup comedy at least but thats after 24th if im not too busy shifting flats.
On wed will be going for chak de india hehe..its on in the theatres here so I have succumbed to peer pressure even tho i actually should be sitting home typing some more.
I hate it that rare few days of scottish summer, the estival season and my dissertation all had to clash. But the day is near when my work shall be done here. I can just see my situation a night before the submission on 24th...last minute editing, formatting( which I suck at), sorting references, relaizing I havent yet written my abstract or acknowledgement bit and hurridly writing that, printing out 3 copies of my work which is ALOT of money, time and about 2100 pages. Getting it bound and fuck I cant breathe just thinking about it. I could try to avoid such a situation but knowing me I mostly likely cannot. Oh well..as long as I pass this freaking task. It was the worst thing I've ever had to do. Through this all I have learned one thing about myself...I cannot handle stress. My way of responding to stress and work load is sleeping..not coz im sleepy but because I try to escape reality by avoiding work. Also coz im shit lazy as fuck and no amount of me shouting retardedly to myself , " NO MORE OF THIS LAZY ACT"...It doesnt work at all. I have lost track of what im writing. I need sme sleep...not beor eI have a breakdown but before my laptp crashes coz its been thru alot of file load today. more later. Oh I statred this post with a hello..as in a ltetter style..coz I wanted to say hello to u guys coz its been so long. Not much news from ur side eitjer but im updating me.
night.

running with scissors

2007-07-17T01:02:00.000+01:00

I had a dream a few months ago where a pair of scissors materialized in my hands out of nowhere and in desparate urgency I needed to get rid of it. I was running around silly, asking who's scissors it was and everyone just looked scard and tried to get away from me coz of the damn scissor and what I'd do with it! They were BIG steel scissors! haha.
I was running away from somebody as well, possibly a nun or a security because I was either in a convent or a mental asylum...not too sure which. I ran thru endless creepy corridors then ended up in an old graveyard where I heard a voice ask me whats wrong. But all I could see was a person in the shadows and I remember thinking, I dont know any one with that accent. It was an american accent! hehehe. So I ran back into the endless corridors instead of taking my chances in that graveyard! Theres more to the dream that involves finaly getting out of that creepy building and trying to find a road where I could catch a BUS to somewhere far away and then hearing a busy main road somwwhere close but not being able to bloody find it!
Anyway, that dream has haunted me since I first dreamt it, so I thought I should crack it and do an online dream analysis. I type in : "running with scissors" on google and all I get is stuff about some movie with apparently the same title. @#$%! I did look at the dream meanings of running and scissors separately but they almost contradict each other so it can't be right.
What could it mean and why think of it six months after? I mean I have countless wierd-freaky dreams and this was just one of them! I dont get it. :( Is very unsettling.

achievement

2007-06-14T20:22:00.000+01:00

I spent 3 hours sincerely reading in the library today... minus maybe half an hour at starbucks which is a bad idea near libraries. I didnt read stuff about my dissertation topic. was more a book on how to write a dissertation- a guide book for first time researchers! A little too late on my time schedule but whatever... I feel damn hep and can now spend a few days wello-ing without guilt! Or maybe not..considering my enthu supervisor whos advice, by the way, is supposed to be considered "gold dust"...according to the book.

Thor's got his hammer back!

2007-05-31T18:08:00.000+01:00

I woke up at 10 this morning with the shrill fire alarm. Its been happening alot lately just coz the smoke detectors at the flats are so sensitive. Frankly I think people who can't cook or use the damn hobs should not bother entering the kitchen at all.I used to follow the evacuation procedure at first and remember eyeing a hot firefighter at 4 am one morning.I thought I was still dreaming! Now its kind of like the boy who cried wolf. I couldn't care less, even after being warned by a fireman when he caught me hiding in the hall, refusing to get out of the building. It was cold!:(
Today, I didnt even bother getting out of my room. I peeped out the window and saw alot of people outside waiting for the firefighters..its standard procedure even if theres no real fire. After 15 minutes the alarm stopped and so I went back to sleep. I had a nasty dream after that like something out of a horrow movie. I was in an old abandoned indian palace and the floors had exquisite carvings so I wanted to take a picture of it with my cell phone cam. Then suddenly I saw a figure of a small boy run past my phone screen when there was no one around in reality.It freaked me out but I tried to take the picture again. The boy ran past the screen again, this time I swear he looked right at me. I screamed coz I knew it was a ghost.in the way you can "know" things for certain only in a dream. Then somewhere quite close by, I heard someone else scream and...thats all I can remember from that nightmare. I have a strange feeling there was more to it. I just remember being very scard. I woke up again at 3 pm(!!!) and it was dark and grey with the occasional thunder in the sky. The weather report had rightly predicted thunder n showers in the afternoon and I was just wondering ...hmm if thunder is an act of god how can metereologists 'predict' it?? I mean isn't god supposed to be this unpredictible thing acting according to fancy? Anyway, so I looked up at the dark sky and thought to myself, "IF there is a god..."
Now comes the eerie bit. I hadnt even completed that sentence in my head, infact I didnt even know what the remainder of the sentence would be, when there was a brilliant flash of lightening followed by the loudest thunder I've heard!! Soon it started pelting down, rain drops almost the size of hail...it was hail actually..coz the ground was scattered in white for a wee bit.It was the most wonderful thing I've seen in a long time. I felt like getting soaked in that rain. Some might chose to think it was nothing but coincidence- a drastic change in weather when thinking of god?(duh), thunder on a 'thursday'?(rrrRight!)[thursday is derived from Thor's day- Thor being the God of Thunder in Norse mythology]. I refuse to think it was mere coincidence, I think it was a sign...a sign from z Gods to show that I am a believer for a reason.:) hehe. Anyway, I love the sounds of thunder. Nothing screams POWER like thurderbolt and lightening and that soo turns me on..so I got my cheap thrill for the day! All that matters in the end.
Thunderbold n lightening very very frightening me! Galileo GALILEO Figaro magnifico!;)

as we lie in fields of gold...

2007-05-07T22:05:00.000+01:00

I really want to play Fields of gold by eva cassidy or the sting version whatever...but it seems almost impossible right now. With the whole finger picking and capo on sixth.:( The one song I wna play and I can't. Besides even if i could play it, I wouldn't be able to sing along anyway. Dont have the voice for it. oh hell. :(

maunday toosday wensday ...

2007-05-06T18:57:00.000+01:00

I was so excited to see ass's article on Oita Shinbun. Really proud. Got my hands on a copy but couldn't read shit coz my kanjis have gone to the dogs thats why! So I bored Don on msn n made him translate it.

Oh I heart sundays so! ...even though it doesn't really matter now. Aside from my dissertation, Im done with school so no monday morning blues, mid week crisis or TGIFs...if days merged into one another, I couldn't tell- but what i CAN tell is when its Sunday! Something about this day, the city and me just automatically slip into a laze mode. Cancelled picnic and football at the meadows today ( a park in the city centre, not where the cows go moo. hehe ). The weather tricked us and was far too windy outside with a little rain so I couldn't be bothered. Think Ive disappointed a friend though..apparently she was up since morning making fajitas for the picnic! :( Hope quite a few showed up in spite of the weather to do her fajitas justice. Me, I've been on laze mode ...and also, things-r-not-perfect-But-for-this-one-day-fuck-it- mode as well. Bless sundays!
Got a guitar from this guy in the next flat. I have it till his exams get over on friday. So been messing around with it most of time since I got it, playing fav. tunes. Almost perfecting 'last kiss' by Pearl Jam now. Its hard coz I am playing with a bandaid on my thumb :( Literally ' played it till my fingers bled...it was the summer of sixty'...well 2007. I miss Japan and beppoooo beppu desu' so much right now, its was during this time last year I was trying to strum a guitar in vain, in my old room in san-maroo-go. That was during my thesis days as well. De ja Vu or rather history repeats itself ?!
K..will get back now..practice makes perfect:) and besides its so fun!! chu~

Doctor Who?

2007-05-03T23:44:00.000+01:00

If I ever had an aversion for anything sci fi, the Doctor has proved me wrong...
I am just soooo swooning over David Tennant..he is the BEST Doctor! Just cracks me up every time.

Its May! getting nice n sunny outside.Not much progress with the dissertation. Gta show first draft by month end and still..nothing! have to work on that. And ooo.. got my grades for a course today..and I got a 75% in my project. 75, in an essay in which I changed topics at the last minute and worked for barely 6 hours?!?! Yup...I'm gloating! Un fucking believable. I put in my lifes blood into something and I get SHIT, I put in almost nothing and I get results! What is that? Hand of god toying with me??ooOh..reminds me of a line from an episode
"Good guy: How will you do that? By the hand of God??
Bad guy: NO! by the fist of MAN!!" dishoom dishoom...hehe ...Im obsessed.sorry about that but don't you just love that line? I think its... so cool. :)
whatelse... went bowling tonight. Phantom, Sushi, The dude, Striker, Jacques, Champ, Ace, Speed and Blaze.Gotta love those names...I'm Blaze by the way. The coolest part is that I managed a strike..my very first!! I was so excited. I know I know..just ONE strike..how very lame-o..but I've noticed I get better every time. Super!

Ripped

2007-05-01T03:40:00.000+01:00

Some good pics from the night- May Queen n Greenman, horny red people and bonfire. They're not my photoes but oh well. :)

Ps- 'CP' i know u got the same cam as mine. What do you do for night mode? Mine is fucked up.

What potent blood hath modest May!

2007-04-30T18:39:00.000+01:00

Beltane is a celtic word meaning brilliant fire. Its celebrated on the eve of the first day of May to welcome spring/summer. Basically a pagan festival celebrating rebirth in nature. Every year in Edinburgh there's a massive bonfire on Calton hill. Got a chance to see it this year. Was expecting alot of pagan obscenity,half naked men and painted faces breathing fire.I got just that and more. We started with our walk up calton hill at 8:30pm. Reached there just in time to catch the sunset. Yup...sunset at 9 pm!

Anyway, so we were allowed alcohol in plastic bottles for safety reasons or whatever but I hadn't gone thru the pains of buying and decanting into pet bottle. Was a bit chilly up there and was just about cursing myself for not gettin-de-booze when brian opened his backpack and voila- cans n cans of beer! bless that irish lad. Also, for the first time in Edinburgh, with all its ban on smoking in public places including pubs...here I was..with a smoke in one hand, beer in another!AAAh! Was Bliss ...except for the crowd of 15000.It was mad rush. Soon the festival started off with drumming and burning of giant penises and symbols of pagan God n Goddess on the acropolis. In the backdrop was an almost full moon. Was surreal. After that it was total chaos. Half the crowd followed the parade while the other I-thought-we-were-being-smart-half( included us) decided to get a good place to view the finale. We got good places alright...but to see an empty stage! We waited for 2 hours, in 7 degrees...waiting for the damn show to start. Apparently the parade went all the way around the hill so yea ..that took a bloody long time.Finally close to MIDNIGHT, thr was some action- fire torches and lo n behold NAKED PEOPLE!Lots of tits, no dicks! Fair??? But just when all us women in the crowd were about to get disappointed ..in came naked men...lots of them...bodies painted red..juggling fire and dancing like crazy fucks. Oooh it was quite good. By then, I'd forgotten how cold I was. Then the May queen took center stage and performed some obscene fucking ritual with a naked horned king and then more hooting and screaming. I HATED having to stand for 4 hours on my toes trying to get a good view. But the whole thing was a wild experience.

...The pictures all came out so bad.:( I hate my camera. Got some good videos of 'the nakedness' though...may be I'll upload it on youtube.

This is SPARTAAA

2007-04-28T01:39:00.000+01:00

Spartans, What is your profession???
-To get drunk when scantily clad!

Was supposed to be a '300' inspired maad night. Was still alright though. Dressed my worst in the last minute- was looking like a goth spartan more than anything else. Shud've put some effort coz some ppl had really got it going...the home made/rented costumes were great.Anyway,we came back early coz soon enough the dj set his stuff on repeat/ auto whatevr n disappeared and I wasnt getting drunk even after a 750 ml of smirnoff. i guess neither were the rest.hmmm!! Hope it wasnt cheap moonshine ..coz I'm not in for blindness after alcohol. Was a long taxi ride home and voila! here me am... hiccuping like crazy...i neeed wateer! ow haha starting to fucking hurt.Will get some water n zzz. night

hate at first sight

2007-04-02T00:19:00.000+01:00

Love is all we need? NOT. Thats what everybody talks about isnt it? LOVE, love and more of it. Thats even what makes the world go around, apparently! But lets stop and look at Hate for a wee bit -a perfectly natural emotion, an equal contender and yet a complementary aspect of love. Lets be thankful for all the hate in this world for without it we would not know the true meaning of love, let alone learn to value it for everything it is. Rock legends, Def Lepperd have sung about times when love and hate collide. There is nothing of that sort here. What follows is just an analysis of pure HATE or atleast an attempt at analyzing this often "hated" emotion by means of a series of unweighted questions.

When does pure hatred and a mere dislike merge into one? When does one stop knowing which is which? What was this hatred born of? What or whom is it going to destroy? What is the purpose of this hate? Why is it so often blinding and intense?Does it make you wake up angry each morning or is it just mere irritation for a short while? Does it make you resort to something to relieve the disgusting feeling you carry around with yourself? Is it helping at all? Did you want to be a hater? Do you want to be a hater? If not, do you feel you can't help it? How long can you go on hating before it consumes you? Do you hate in secret or do you let it be known? Can you forgive? Can you forget? What do you think about the phrase, 'Live and Let Live' and 'Let bygones be bygones'? Are you too hard on yourself sometimes or are you too hard on others? Do you give them a second chance? Or do you even give them a chance at all? How is hate affecting your life? Has it caused any changes in every day behavior?Does it hurt to hate or does it bring you joy? Does it drive you insane or do you find an explosion of creativity and focus while at it?

Well, nothing new or "profound" has come out of this analysing bullshit. I just HATE it when I can't answer questions especially if they're my own! I need to wind up this post right here. So, for concluding thoughts, in terms of emotions and their relation to music, if I was feeling LOVE and if I were a music conductor with that silly stick they wave ard, I could maybe come up with a sweet tune. Mostly of angellic, lullaby-ish sort which'll put eveyone to sleep. But very sweet, Very...peaceful and all that. Now If I was feeling Hate on the other hand...it would be a grand symphony of pure and unrestrained heat, frenzied notes that come together to sound like what could possibly be a jaw dropping performance that deserves a standing ovation! There lies the difference between the two. Also, a similarity in that there is undeniably creative beauty in both.

Exam hell!

2007-03-28T20:46:00.000+01:00

Memory of a goldfish= Being in hell for 120 minutes, watching the seconds hand tick away on the wall clock and waiting for salvation.
Hoping tomorrows paper wont be half as bad as todays.

Reminiscing

2007-03-16T17:35:00.000Z

Lol...I just came across this while cleaning out my inbox. Its an assignment I wrote a couple of years ago for a class on Film studies. I'll be damned but I seriously cannot make shit out
from this stuff!! What is FS, CU and those numbers..?? movie frames?? pan in, pan out..???beats me! How I wish I knew it. Serves me right for drawing tony montana on the class room desk and not paying attention.Given my drab course right now, I suddenly find film studies so interesting. I remember I took two classes in undergrad on Film. One was by bastard boy P. Close. The class was beautifully called "images and reality of the asia pacific". We were shown an art film from different countries every week and had to write an analysis and post in on the Webct forum. I hardly went for classes although some films like 'once were warriors' abt Maori culture was really nice. King and I was apparently shown in class once. I slept in that morning and asked a friend abt the film shown so I could post the review and get my attendence. The minute she said king and I, I was like right..thanks, bye and got down to writing. Little did I know it was the old black n white version and I had just posted my review..full of raves for chou yon fat and jodie foster's excellent acting from the new version!! lol. I got a C in that course. Cant help smiling thinking of those days.

Film: Man of Aran
: Robert Flaherty
Summary of events: Continuity, Major scenes and their themes from the shot list.

Continuity
Major scene
Theme
１．Introduction to farming in Aran
２．Farming Procedures
３．Subtitle-seaweed
4. Subtitle -soil
5. Fixing boat
6. Boy fishing
7. Boy spots something in water
8. Basking shark Fishing
9. subtitle on bask fishing
10. women waiting and looking out in anticipation
11. Subtitle
12. Bringing home the catch.
13. Woman and children wait in anticipation
14. Shark on the shore
15. Preparing pot for collecting shark liver oil.
16.Subtitle-Cauldron
17. Subtitle- schools of shark…
18. Out for fishing again
19. Waiting in anticipation on the land
20. Wind and Foaming Sea.
21. Return of boat

*Landscape FS
*Man with Axe
* Man hitting rocks
*Loading seaweeds on horses.
* Family leading horse with seaweed to the shore.
* Woman and boy looking for soil in crevices of rocks 85-106
*upturned boat
* enter man with pot
*fixing hole in boat 108-112
* Ariel view of water and cliff
* Boy takes out crab and prepares bait. 119-234
*Spots a basking shark on the water. CU 236-256
* A harpooned shark and men in boat.
* Struggle with shark
* loosing shark from harpoon.
* Men at sea
* Spot shark
*struggle with catch
* Woman standing and looking out to the sea with a basket of seaweeds.
* men pulling shark
* woman looking out of window
* Boy takes potatoes
* Woman knitting and looking out the window.
*lamp burning
* Villagers crowding in on the shoreline to see the catch.
*Rolling pot/cauldron
* light fire for the cauldron
* Skinning and dissecting shark.
* A school of sharks…shark fins above the water surface.
* Men go to sea.
* Boy follows
*denial for the boy
*show of disappointment
* burning lamp CU
*sleeping boy
* lamp blows out
* boy awakes with gust of wind through window
*spray of mists and water on land
*woman and boy looking out for the boat on sea* boat appears.
*Struggle of men in boat the stormy weather.
* Finally makes it, wary yet triumphant back to the shore.

Farming in barren conditions-hard work and labor.
An important event in the lives of the people of Aran.
The source of their livelihood and basic necessities like oil for burning lamp from shark liver, etc.
Rarity of catches while fishing for basking sharks.The way of life for the people of Aran, as if like in a cursed land, people have to work very hard in extreme conditions to for survival.

"???????????????" How can I not remember the slightest detail of this? Its like it almost never happened.

the BIG one

2007-03-16T14:18:00.000Z

I just submitted my last assignment for this course and it was by far the worst essay I have ever written in my life! Hoping it wont get me a D- again. Slept for 2 hours last night! Wretched course work!

Anyway, thats done and Im sure I wont be missing writing essays for a long long time now. Oh expect my exam next week requires essay type answers . But AFTER that....woohoo! Oh . expect I still got my 20,000 words dissertation to go...BUT ..and this time for real...AFTER that dissertation ....Im officially done with exams and essays. I had to travel half way around the world, get into a good school, spend a fortune on overseas tuiton... only to to find out...I ABSOLUTELY HATE STUDYING WITH A PASSION!! But the cool bit is..provided everything goes well with the marking..I'll actually be a Master of Science! Thats fucking hilarious. I often wonder what it wudve been like if I had stuck with arts and pursued that instead. Oh well...I'd probably be screaming I HATE JOHN KEATS WITH A PASSION! ( although very unlikely)

In other news,

I bid in an auction for an original cartoon sketch for Comic Relief. After paying rent last week I hardly have shit in my bank account and im unemployed at the mo. But for pure thrill, I bid £1500 for the piece!! And thank heavens someone outbid me... I wudve been so wonderfully fucked otherwise, it wudnt have been the least bit funny. Although for a good cause (60% of funds frm RND go to poor in Africa, 40% in UK), being a student and pretty much dirt poor, means I cant possibly be in a position for such generousity. I can only do what I can. Bought a RND badge instead . Its blood metal red, got glitters n golden lettering n everything. real pretty and for a good cause :)

The email I was more than happy to recieve:

[ Hi...Thank you so much for your kind bid for the Gerald Scarfe original cartoon... Unfortunately, you have been out-bid at £1800...But you are more than welcome to have another go...Best wishes - Andrew and the team...A n d r e w C J e f f r e y
Online Producer BBC One Politics Show ]

have another go?? erm...I think I'll pass for now but *Sigh.......someday and/or some life!!* I'll be a filthy rich bitch like one of those proper ladiezz dressed in nothing but Valentino and Manolos...enough diamonds on me to sink the titanic...maybe a miniature poodle in my Gucci clutch or hmm..maybe an exotic clouded leopard on a leash..lol. I better stop it right here.Im stereotyping.

If you're up for the Big One this Red Nose Day, go to http://www.rednoseday.com/

seriously tired

2007-03-09T15:19:00.000Z

No more reports!! no more, please!!!!!

'anybody else want to have a little...giggul??'

2007-03-05T21:59:00.001Z

An emperor who cant pwonounce his r's ! Naughtius Maximus, Sillius Sodus, Bigus Dickus ....this is classic Monty python humor right here! :)

Watch 'Biggus Dickus' clip here!

lol
xxxx

nevr give up my fight..yaa maan!

2007-02-26T19:55:00.000Z

OMG its love! with samba. I mean with samba's voice! He aint too bad looking either :).
So, Nepali bob marley??? heheheha! umm, y not?!
Love the last bit..."haat ma haat milai badau agi, jaaga jaaga aba sabai jaaga, andakar bata sabai niska" ...lol. Nice try I say.

Other random stuff --- good sounds from The Edge.

On a last note, ...."Beehold", said jaa Lord, "dere be a suppah whr we'l eat togeda, oatmeal porridge by de fai-yah! "...hmmm...never mind that. Below: rastafari depiction of 'The Last supper'.

One love,
S. xxxx
:)

hana yori dango...tte??

2007-02-25T03:03:00.000Z

Many shades of Shun Oguri...I think I like them all!

This is a still from the terebi dorama Hana yori dango( boys of flowers??) Oguri as Hanasakawa Rui. Its a funny n romantic , two season soap--dreamy boys, love triangles..aaah what more cud a dorama addict want?? He is currently competing with or actually, has beaten fair n square, my previous TV bf - Wenty of Prison Break fame. Bye bye wenty, you surprise me no more and never show ur tattoo since u broke out of Fox river.

~ Hanasakawa Rui no koto ga. . . no koto . . . ga. . . hontoni . . . daisukiiii!! ~ (<*-*>) Warai!

Hungry eyes, STILL ?

Feast upon...

Jay Chou!! .. kare mo kakkoii to omo! :) I sure like them pretty.

Caution: MIK( men in kilts)

2007-02-22T00:46:00.000Z

Well a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar one evening fair,
And one could tell by how he walked he’d drunk more than his share.
He fumbled ‘round until he could no longer keep his feet,
And he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street.
Ring-ding-diddle-iddle-adi-o
Ring-da-diddly-ai-0, He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street.

(picture: Kilted Ewan!! Yum!)

About that time two young and lovely girls just happened by,
One says to the other with a twinkle in her eye
See yon sleeping Scotsman, so strong and handsome build,
I wonder if it’s true what they don’t wear beneath the kilt?
Ring-ding-diddle-iddle-adi-o
Ring-da-diddly-ai-o
I wonder if it’s true what they don’t wear beneath the kilt?

They crept up on the sleeping Scotsman, quiet as could be,
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see.
And there, behold, for them to view beneath his Scottish skirt,
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth.
Ring-ding-diddle-iddle-adi-o
Ring-da-diddly-ai-o
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth.

They marveled for a moment than one said, “we must be gone,
Let’s leave a present for our friend before we move along".
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon tied into a bow,
Around the bonny-star the Scot’s kilt did lift and show.
Ring-ding-diddle-iddle-adi-o
Ring-da-diddly-ai-o
Around the bonny-star the Scot’s kilt did lift and show.

Now the Scotsman woke to nature’s call and stumbled towards a tree,
Behind the bush he lifts his kilt and gawks at what he sees.
And in a startled voice he says to what’s before his eyes,
“Lad I don’t know where ya been but I see you won first prize.
Ring-ding-diddle-iddle-adi-o
Ring-da-diddly-ai-o
Lad I don’t know where ya been but I see you won first prize.

Celebrating the joys of seeing men in their kilts...Happy International Kilts Day!!( 22 Feb, 2007)

In Other News, Ewan Mcgregor is Live on the university radio station Fresh Air tomorrow 6-8pm!! Will try n tune in just coz I love the man...more so when kilted!:)

If ur a pirate, I dont believe it...

2007-02-17T23:04:00.000Z

There was a pirates vs beach bums charity party earlier for an initiative saving whales n dolphins. I eventually couldn't go for it but I was thinking of dressing up as a pirate coz they're so much more cooler than beach bums any given day! However I heard this funny song which kinda sucks coz it says " you're the worst pirate in the world, coz ur a girl!" lol. But its a good song none the less. The worst pirate by Ceann Ne Caca.

Had a Chinese new year party in my flat tonight- lots of chinese food, lots of alcohol, lots of really drunk people...

Speed dating!

2007-02-16T02:15:00.000Z

Varentine

2007-02-14T22:41:00.000Z

Happy valentines day to all I love and all who love me :)

minna ga shizoned_souru no daisuki na hitotachi da yo! zutto zuuttooo daisuki na tomodachi ! <((^0^))>

lots of love and mush,

Moi xxxx

Nihongo renshyu shinai to mottainai ne...:( korekara watashi no ブロッグga nihongo de yaritai!! ganbarimasu! :)

Distant dreams rise like incense

2007-02-11T23:11:00.000Z

Something about the far east, the orient...can't deny the sheer beauty. Spent four years in Japan largely binge drinking, bad singing in karaoke and wasting undergraduate years. It was fun but when it came to learning about the culture itself, I doubt I willingly and out of geniuine interest tried too hard. When and where I could, I ofcourse took the opportunity to get into the history of things, learnt tea ceremony, tried wadaiko and took part in the seasonal festivals that abound in Japan. It was all great. However, it was only after leaving the east and trying to find solid ground in the west, I realized the true extent of all the beauty I'd left behind. In all fairness, europe or rather UK is a good place to be. Fun ...and thats about it. The landscape and countrysides are vast and beautiful in its own right. If I look at Scotland, the history, culture and ancient legends of this place no doubt has a charm of its own, a charm that infact must've been quite strong as it managed to pull me towards it. But none the less, if I had to choose, undiplomatically, which side of the world I prefer...I'd say ...handsdown...the east! I come from the east myself and I love & respect my culture( what to do..'east is east' only) heehee. Travelling makes you aware of different kinds of cultures while bringing you closer to your own in some ways. Incase anyone is wondering what the hells gotten into me and where am I going with all this talk of east n west... its coz I just watched a movie set in 928 AD, China, Tang Dynasty called 'The curse of the golden flower'. Good movie but it wasn't until the end as the credits rolled that got me thinking. The end credits had this chinese song...didnt't understand shit but real good on the ears. It had english subtitles as was with the entire film and the lyrics just seemingly cast a spell on me, if thats possible at all!! Makes you wonder what shallow shit we listen to normally with our ______ ( insert fav. singer/band here). OK ...They are not all shallow and shit coz I personally love a few songs myself but in comparision to these words which are typical of eastern poetry and song, how they linger and wrap around you, lap you up like waves on the shore...the "western" songs/lyrics seem like a mere poke on your crusty emotions. This kinda songs on the other hand...it evokes from deep within, the strangest emotions you thought you never had in you! Atleast it had this effect on me. Guess it comes down to what a person can relate to. Anyway without further adoooo, I present to youuuu... JU HUA TAI by Jay Chou.

Your tears glisten. laced with pain. (ni de lei guang. rou ruo zhong dai shang)
The crescent moon hangs in the past...pale with sickness.(chan bai de yue wan wan...gou zhu guo wang)
Cool Night, too long...turns to frost.(ye tai man chang ...ning jie cheng le shuang)
Who is on the Tower...frozen in despair? (shi shui zai ge lou shang bing leng de jue wang)

The rain drums lightly on a crimson pane.( yu qing qing tan)
My destiny is written on paper. fluttering in the wind.
Distant dreams...rise like incense
melting into night...is your image.

Chrysanthemums fall...weeping to the ground ( ju hua chan man di shang)
traces of your smile
your heart is empty now
my thought quietly rests...the north wind blows
Not yet dawn. your shadow clear and close.
Only companion of my soul...on the lake. a couple mirrored.

Blossoms of the evening air...beauty undimmed...scatter everywhere.
A fate hard to swallow
Sadness. Do not cross the river...your autumn heart will sink.
Drowning in longing...you will not reach the other shore.
Whose hills and rivers...echo with the clamor of hooves.
My armor is shredded...by the dividing hour.
The sky slowly brightens. Your sighs. Silk soft...
weave a night of sorrow. So fragile. so spare.

Crysanthamums fall...weeping to the ground
traces of you smile, your heart is empty now.
My thought quietly rests...the north wind blows.
Almost dawn..your shadow clear and close.
Only companion of my soul...on the lake a couple reflected.

Crysanthamums fall...in the cool night air
Traces of your smile, your heart is empty now.
My thought quietly rests...the north wind blows.
Almost dawn..your shadow so close
Only companion of my soul...on the lake...the two of us.

highs n lows of a weekend

2007-02-11T01:55:00.000Z

Saturday night, 2 am: Tonight I find myself on a major guilt trip- guilty and ashamed of the fact that men can cook better and keep their flats tidier than I can. It was Japanese night at sytzes place. And the food was just unbelievable!! Him and Yoichi spent hours preparing it while we dropped in just in time for dinner with more bottles of wine than necessary. There was miso shiru complete wt the shiitake mushrooms, spinach salad with sesame dressing, cucumber & squid salad, (wakame) seaweed wt vinegar and shoyu, spicy squid rings, nikujyaga, gobo kimpura and what more?? even home made yakitori on sticks!! and those were just the starters... Oh boy! For the main course, we had soba( buckwheat noodles) in a soup with duck. We opened a bottle of Shirotsuru sake and had azuki beans and toasted mocchi for dessert, finishing off with a cup of hot green tea! With Mr. children playing in the background, I felt I was back in Japan and since all of us at the table were either Japanese, spent time in japan or learnt the language out of interest, most of the conversation was in japanese. Tanoshikatta. heehee. Met a funny german who's into computers and cakes. Proud of his baking skills, he showed pictures of his works....and they looked gorgeous!! Yet again, I felt the shame coming over me as he went on about how to make the perfect lemon cake. I dont know shit about baking!! To seem interested, I asked a rather silly question me thinks...sumthing to do with cornflour...I dont even remember what I asked or meant, but I did get a rather long reply which went over my head. How embarassing. Have to google- 'how to bake good' soon.
Got the recipe for tori no karaage though. Will have to try it coz i loove karaage and have almost forgotten what it tastes like. All in all, was a good night unlike friday when I was so bloody upset. Was denied entry coz of wrong ID!! Verry verry pissing off. They just wudnt let me in!! I doubt I look under 18. Buggers!! So I actually had to come back home while the rest went in coz roys band had a gig there. Tried a nice pub in town earlier so I wouldnt call it a completely ruined night. None the less, the whole epsiode, standing in the snow, trying to convince the bouncers was quite mortifying. In the past, when I didnt have any Id on me, they've made a fuss but have almost always let me in. Baaah! Them effin .......
Oh well, let bygones be bygones and so on n so on...tomorrow's gna be a laaazy sunday thats for sure:).

Royal Bank of Chocolate

2007-02-06T17:29:00.000Z

Its getting worse.This strange new addiction to chocolate. This craving . This madness!! I've always loved chocolates. Coz u know...I'm a normal human n all, unlike a rare few outthere! But now its come to a point where something seems lacking in a day if I dont hoard on atleast two bars of either bounty or mars or those divine peanut snicker bars. It all started with the 'any 2 for 55p' offer at the union shop. And now with the offer over, I still continue buying two bars of chocolates every day. Now the catch here is that,our minds tends to adapt to needs or wants fairly quickly and constantly challenges us on how much more of something we can take. In other words, two bars per day is no more OK for me. This morning I practically rolled out of my bed and dreamin' with a chocolate craving. I knocked on my flatmates door in desperation and she gave me 8 pieces of those money(coin n bank notes) chocolates. Being from Marks&Spencer they were not outright disgusting but it was just plain dark chocolate and all 8 of them were gone in 60 seconds!! That was the start of my day! Now Im running down to the store to get me some good choclotate coz yes the craving is here again! The stuff in pics are all I ate today alone and I still dont feel sick! I need to feel sick of it so that I can stop with this madness already. The beautiful candy cottage on the left was on display at canary wharf in london during xmas. Me thinks it would make a wonderful Royal Bank of Chocolate! :)

almost just HAD to be this way...

2007-02-05T22:31:00.000Z

This sucks!! Just found out Flogging Molly are touring Japan in april 12-16..osaka, nagoya and tokyo! Fuck!! Everything good seems to happen on the wrong side of the world to where I am. When I was in Japan, all the good gigs were in europe! NOT FAIR da yo...!:( Ok thr was one good opportunity while there...Jack johnsosn in Fukuoka.Phoned in too late for tixs and ofcourse they were all sold out. duh!
Gotta get my ass to sum fun concert real bad before I get too old and disinterested to mmmmbop around.
Just got back from a game of Badminton.Played doubles tonight. Love the burst of aftermatch energy! But this juuust still sucks!!!:((( grrrrr.

Rockin shamrocks!!

2007-02-05T19:21:00.000Z

Celtic punk rock...thats the new thing im rocking to. Absolutely loving Flogging Molly and The Pogues. Such 'fuck all' tunes..makes u want to not care abt anything in life and just drink lots n lots of Guiness and pub hop till you puke until you fall asleep singin drunken lullabies, just to start over the next day coz ' by morning we'll be freeeee' and i think this sentence better stop right here.
God forbid if u ever get sick of Guiness, theres always 'whiskey on sundays'.:) So, if I were Irish me name would be...Chloe ...apparently...

Your Irish Name Is...

Chloe Fitzgerald

What's your Irish Name?

Cant wait until St. Patty's Day in March! Hope to paint the town greeen!:)

The hiiills are aliiive with the souuund of muuusic!

2007-02-03T21:06:00.000Z

Man I love chinese food!! Just done with a 2 hour session of eating hotpot. Its this amazing dish, sort of like yakiniku in Japan but theres a pot of boiling spicy soup in the centre of the table whr u add uncooked stuff like meat, veggies, crab sticks etc. then pick n eat as n when its done.mmmmmmmm....!!! Ate like pigs, and some are still in the kitchen eating as I write this..thats almost 3 hours of speed eating!! They're crazy if you ask me!

Was a beautiful sunny morning today with the most delicious hue of cloudless blue up above---so a bunch of us headed out to the Pentland Hills to make a day of it. After my previous try at hill walking and my fall n everything...I was a bit skeptical. I hadn't even bought a pair of hiking boots yet as promised.So yet again with my old crappy converse and minimal layer of clothing( coz it was 7 degrees n sunny acc. to the forecast!),I walked out looking like I was headed shopping to the high street while every one else ofcourse looked like they were going hiking---which we were. It took me a while, maybe about half way up my first hill, to realize how fucked I was!! It got windy, getting worse the higher we climbed. AND the cold!!! I could feel my eyes swollen coz of the wind. So anyway, Up one hill and down, up the next and down again, and UP the third and all the way winding down!! But each time we reached the summit, it was the most amazing feeling!! It was a steep but fairly easy climb with sheep and highland cows grazing along the route, but it got tricky and very challenging at places. I made Micheal carry me across a small stream coz I refused to get my shoes wet heehee. But I really need those waterproof hike boots ASAP!

Sumwhr between the singing n random screaming and between the second n third hill we lost sight of civilizaton!! None of us were good with maps, the sun was setting soon, was getting colder and darker..no flashlights...basically just about getting fucked! So we unanimously voted to detour from the valley towards the nearest town we come across. Micheal ofcourse wanted to climb that fourth fucking hill as well. We shut him up for good, and then ...we walked 500 miles and walked 500 more, just to be the ones who walked 1000 miles to fall down on the door...
No Town still!!!! Walked along the highway and tried to hitchhike but tough luck, so we tried a "short cut" and walked through someones farm even though the sign read "private property. Keep Out!". We walked amidst fighting sheep, we walked along humping sheep, we walked with that horrible stench in the air....sheep shit probably! eyuk!! Heard a farm tractor start up and since we were trespassing and discussing quite aloud our plans of stealing sheep for dinner, we ran thru the barn n stables before the angry farmer cud catch up.

Finaly after miles n miles of walking we reached a road with a bus stop!!!! Amen! I cannot begin to explain how exhausted I am and I cannot begin to imagine what getting out of bed tomorrow is going to be like! Every muscle is my body is sore. That's fine. What I'm freaked out abt is that my chest feels like it weighs a 100 tons, probably coz of the wind n cold and it really hurts to breathe. Hope it'll be fine by tomorrow! Off to rest my tired bones now!! AAAAAAAAAaaaaaah Beeeeeeeed. Sweet.SWEET. Bed!!

Tamahanaaaa

2007-01-23T23:18:00.000Z

Google has fast become the verb of choice.
v. to google; I goggled....
Whats next---- youtube??
I youtube, you youtube, to youtube. hmmmm
Anyway :) so I youtubed the tamahana song by Te vaka( of samoan Pati pati fame), also the soundtrack for The legend of Johnny Lingo.And I got this . Good song, great rhythms..would love to watch the movie although it seems sort of like a kids flick.
PS- Tomodachi's in Japan,I'm currently looking for a song called 'koko shika sakenai hana'..or sumthing like that.heard it once sumwhr and liked it but cant find it nowhere nomore. a little help??

In other news, I ran out of one of my lectures today, went running straight to my programme directors office on the verge of tears. The man was in black spandex!! The director was wearing spandex slacks probably getting ready for his evening jog or whatever. So anyway he sat back down in his plush posh black chair with tights on hahahahaha-- cant get over it! And there I was half crying, half trying to supress bouts of giggles and complaining about the course I ran dramatically away from. A little embarrased now but that course was just impossible and demanding far too much.I swear I almost had a panic attack sitting in that class. So now I've switched courses even though its the 3rd week of this semester and registration was over the week before. My flatmate thinks the director likes me.haha. Well, whatever the reason he was really spandexically sweet. And now I'm taking a much easier course. Praise the lord and I am no more being "daring" when it comes to course choices.FOCK no!

Scarface :the world is yours

2007-01-22T03:26:00.000Z

"You people are all assholes. You dont have the guts to be what you wanna be. You need people like me to point a finger at. You need people like me to say, 'Look! there's the bad guy'. Now what does that make YOU? Good? You're not good. You just know how to hide and lie. Me, I dont have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. So say goodnight to the bad guy. This is the last time you'll ever see a bad guy like this. Make way for the bad guy! Bad guy coming through!!"

If Al pacino were God.........there'd prob be a lot less atheists in the world.

Music as an age-o-metre

2007-01-15T19:53:00.001Z

music of my days

" It depresses me. It's a reminder that the moment I belonged to is dead, and not just dead, but forgotten. None of this stuff ever gets played on the radio, I can't figure out why. It's like it never happened."(excerpt from The time traveler's wife.)

discovering the joys of rising with the sun

2007-01-06T19:10:00.000Z

Its a cold winter morning in January. The bluish half light of dawn filters through the curtains. The University is closed for the holidays.These are the days to sleep in and listen to the house waking up. But surprisingly the sun's been out everyday since the 1st day of 2007. And when in Scotland, one cannot afford to pass a sunny day out for its sheer scarcity. I have recently discovered an almost guaranteed way of a jumpstart morning- BEHOLD..the radio alarm! This particular morning it sets off at 8 am. There's a good song playing but I can't really figure it out in my sleep. I snuggle deeper in my warm bed for a while. I can slowly decipher the words to the song...Its not unusual to be loved by anyone...Tom Jones sings into my ear. I finally wake up 5 minutes later and get ready for a day out in the sunshine!

It looks gorgeous outside. A soft golden tint atop the city's historic structures.By 9 im on a train to North Berwick to climb the Law( Law, being an old word for rounded or conical hill). 'North Berwick Law rises to 187 metres (613 feet) behind the quaint fishing town of North Berwick on the stunning East Lothian coast. This volcanic lump gives a magnificent panoramic view of much of Lothian, into the Scottish Borders and across the Firth of Forth to the Fife coast. On the summit of the Law is a signalling station used during the Napoleonic conflicts and a pair of whale's jaw bones.' And so a few of my friends and me start with the climb.The climb is steep and mucky in places and jagged,dry and rocky in others. After cursing myself 20 times for starting to climb this wretched hill and thinking on every step that I can still turn around and head back down, I persist and eventually make it huffing n puffing to the summit!And Im glad I did because the view is just unbelivable. Can see the coast, the deep blue waters sparkling in the sun, the Isle of Man far off in the horizon sumwhere, the town of Berwick down below...everything is so stunning.There is however no arc made of whale bones to be found!! Maybe the brochures cheated us??

If climbing up was so petrifying, I thought for sure I'd crying like a sissy on my way down. But as it turns out, it is infact very easy to go downhill. I am so relieved that I decide to run down for a bit because I realise I can actually do it! So I'm running, wind in my face, both arms spread wide like a bird in flight I run...it is an exhilarating feeling until ...I slip on muck and land royally on my ass!Jimmay!! I ruin my jeans horribly. Its brown and looks like I shat myself. I didnt get hurt just mortified! Why the ass?? I could have fallen on my face and scrapped my nose. Ouch ...no, that would not be ok at all. But...sigh..what happened was for real. It wasnt just my fear of falling manifesting itself in the back of my mind. After a moment of looking like -a 2 year old who realizes own fart for the first time and wonders where the sound came from- I gather myself and then all I can do is laugh replaying the whole weeee-I'm--running-like-the-wind- la di da-SPLAT scene. Anyway, I roam around town for the rest of day with a fleece scarf tied around the patch of disaster on me arse. A new fashion statement perhaps?

We then walk around the town a bit, eat lunch, sit on the beach,read a book, throw around a frisbee, try some cartwheels etc. The sun is now setting behind a rock far out in the sea. I can see a tiny red sail boat far off and a lighthouse too. We sit there enjoying the scene for so long that it is now quite dark and its just 4:00 pm!! Thats winter days in the northern hemisphere! We head back into town and go to a pub and knock back some smooth famous grouse whiskey. Sure does warm the old cockles..lol..like they say here. After that, we all agree to call it a day and head back to edinburgh.

All in all it was a lovely day and all I can be grateful of is the fact that I woke up early.On any given vacation day in winter, one would find me in deep hibernation and I'd probably roll out of bed at 4 in the afternoon! Well, what can I say? Im just discovering the joys of rising with the sun.:)
I will not make any more futile resolutions.They're fast becoming a joke. I'll let the bad habits of the past be. Instead I'd rather look ahead so...

Me POA for 2007 is:
1.Hill walking( 2 hills down so many more to go)
2.Sign up for piano lessons* provided not too damaging to bank account.
3.Go on a Whiskey trail( again 2 down so many more to go..types of whiskey i mean:))
Whats the fun of being in scotland if ur not up for sum scotch? Thats what I realized and now working on it.Toured a whiskey distillery in Glenlivet.I think thats a good start.
4.Travel.Isle of Skye/Aran,Ireland and Amsterdam on my list for spring/summer 07.
5.Kick the living shit out of second semester.Hope to do better than first.
6.Start visiting career office and work on dissertation topic.
7.Edinburgh festival. yowzaa!!!!:)

lordy!! its two thousand seven!

2007-01-05T00:42:00.000Z

Greetings!
Happy new year to all!!
Been away for a while. Christmas in London was great fun. Was back in scotland for New year which was however very dissappointing given that the street party was cancelled due to bad weather. And bad weather indeed!! It was the worst I'd seen of strong gale and heavy rains. add to that the perpetual freezing cold and woowee u got urself a lil wild party right there. Had a nice cozy get together n dinner at a friends and later we did go out into the street at midnight despite horrid conditions. there were quite a few revelers out there, shit drunk and oblivious to the weather.I was moderately drunk to enjoy without giving a rats ass about the rain n the craziest winds. So my new year was wet n wild and not in the best sense.

Bit sleepy now. Will leave with something to add to ur to-do list..if u havent already done it that is...
Run a bath of warm water( cold, if u dare)...and put ur head underwater for as long as u can!I just did that..so refreshing!:) It feels like u come out of the water more aware of the sights and sounds of ur surrounding even if its only the bathroom! It may seem corny for some but i gta say here that it was a feat for me coz im hydrophobic!! cant swim even! :( gotta tackle that hopefully this year so heres to 2007!!!kanpai:)

4 9 za...???

2006-12-16T19:52:00.000Z

Does anyone else remember that bryan adams song that used to flood music channels day in day out in early 2001-2002..?? On a day like today...that was the name of the song and it had this little mind game in the video. Well I tried it today .. after alll these years...and i got a tiger!!! Dammit a tiger was supposed to walk past the screen ..not an -------- like it does in the video!! After much thought on it I realized its got sumthing to do with my bad multiplication skills. I cant multiply 4x9!! It really sends me into a complete contemplative sort of frenzy!! I really cant do it...u know that trick where you add 4 to the 4x8 figure and get the answer for 4X9? Tried that as well. Couldnt get it right yet again!!!Ofcourse Im doing this all mentally. Its something of great concern to me now...with my relaince on cell phone calculators etc...I've lost practice and the habit of actually using my brain for simple calculations! And I think thats dulling my brain cells to an extent. Thank heavens I haven't got to the point whr I reach out for a calculator for 2+2...
So the game goes like this...
1. Think of any number between 2 and 9 ( i chose 4 )
2. Multiply that number by 9..( this is whr it got me and i was so sure 4x9=28 !!)
3. Its a two digit number..add them up( 2+8=10)
4. Subtract 5 from it. ( ...5)
5. Think of a country with that letter. ( thot of ..yo check it..ETHIOPIA!) hehe
6. Take the second letter from the country name ( T..)
7.Think of an animal beginning with that letter..( Tiger duh..)
and just then..guess what walks by the screen in the video??
Well...if u havent done this already and dont know the answer ...oh its good..gta check it out for yourself.

Meanwhile, Im gna go practice my 4 times table and get that damn answer to 4x9!!
4x1=4
4x2=8
4x3=12
4x4=16
4x5=20
4x6=24
4x7=28
4x8=28+4=32
4x9=32+4=36!!!!!! 4x9= 36!!yay!!!
Maybe I don't know whole of the 4 times multiplication table but atleast i know the tune of it by heart!( works only with indo no education system i guess... or maybe it was just my town's school system!?Lovely melody that!

Why am i not studying??

2006-12-11T17:03:00.000Z

A friend( name withdrawn) earlier mentioned of increased horniness and how a monday morning business meeting turned into a sexually explicit moving picture in her mind. That got me thinking to the point where if someone were to mention a banana I was done for. Bad timing I would say, with my exams n all.

But my cost benefit analysis reading never seemed so interesting. Lets look at all the reasons why cost benefit is important to us:
a) because it is consistent with indivisuals' preferences
b) permits determination of 'absolute' desirability. oooo hmmm
c)explicit treatment of risk...feeling wild n frisky? lets do it the cost benefit style baby!
I obviously conviniently omitted other lines dealing with not so imp. stuff like policies and economic efficieny..although...hmmm..never mind.

More lines from my paper: ...There is therefore no one "right" TECHNIQUE. Those who think individuals matter, "right" or "wrong", will tend towards a cost benefit style approach. But 'techniques' or *cough* 'process' is not sufficent. Processes have to be informed by some ordering of facts. Anther way of thinking is that process does not guarentee rationality of decisions. Equally, decisions cannot be made without effective process, not least beacause those excluded from the process may 'block' a decision or make its implementation difficult. AND no matter what you decide there is ALWAYS an 'opportunity cost'...'what could have been'...'a forgone benefit'!!

Then, there are steps in Impact Assessment: Project XXX.

1. 'PROJECT' screeing ....who's hot who's not...u know.
2. Consideration of alternatives
3. prediction of impacts..hmmm.
4. implementation..ooo yes!
5. review
6. post decision monitering- to assess the ex post effect
7. post project audit- comparision of actual outcomes with predicted outcomes to access the quality of the "project".

PS- Not every one will interpret this the way I do ..so for those of you ...hope this is an educational trip!haha

On the other side there is Sustainable consumptions...a topic for the wretched exam...
Consumption is already seen as a tool in sexual comeptiton. Evolutionary psychology's arguments on sexual selection suggest that at least 'conspicious' consumer behaviors occupy the role of sexual display. That is, they advertise availability, fertility, potency, fidelity, and a variety of other characteristics desireable to the oppsodite sex ( Journal of Industrial Ecology, Vol. 9, 2005). Now think about the real reason behind that new sexy top, your choice of fragrance, your new porche...feeling like a tomcat on the prowl yet?

Reading this second piece actually makes me feel like my dear friend and I are not the only ones harnessing sexual thoughts at inappropriate times- be it a business meeting or a study group! "I'm not a really sexual person". athankeuu!:)
I have my moments but not like a craazy sex maniac noo. So Im sweeping this current horny phase under the rug by blaming exam week and my friend!! When ur bored and tired of studying ...You gada du whachu gada du !:) Dammit I really need to study. bye now.

so this is christmas and what have you done?

2006-12-10T23:19:00.000Z

No matter what ...theres magic in christmas time!! It might imply heartaches and longing like mentioned in my earlier blogs sumwhr but the sheer spirit in the air around this time of the year is just absolutely lovely and too beautiful to pretend like you dont give a shit. It was the nastiest scottish weather today..winds, rain, and the cold. Spent the entire morning discussing cost benefits, project cycles and shadow pricing in prep for the exam next thursday. Later went out in that bloody weather to St. Giles Cathedral. Exquisite architecture and ancient 16th century feel to it. Nat was singing in the choir and they did a brilliant job with all -time fav christmas hyms which sounded even more divine in that cathedral. At one point, I cried. hehe im such a sucker for peace n love on earth n shit.
There was a carol service in another place and it was a sing along this time! I so wanted to go but we got there and people were standing in the doorway coz it was so full . Couldn't deal with the cold so went to a cafe across the street and had a shot of extra strong machiatto (never again!) Over to Myles court thereafter whr thr was some hot mulled wine and mincemeat pies waiting. Just the thing to warm yourself in that frightful weather outside and to bring on the festive mood I do do love.:) Spend time belting out all the xmas favs like 'frosty the snowman' and 'winter wonderland' by the fireplace..with no fire sadly! Grand finale was ofcourse the excellent 'do they know its christmas time at all' by Band Aid( Various aritists)..just brilliant! We were trying to recognize voices. I only managed bono and sting...but sum of these guys were good...I mean who the hell knows what Boy George really sounds like?! apparently sum ppl actually do!! anyway...was good fun. Back to project appriasal now! But Santa's coming soon baby so is all goooood !! hohoho:)

Me own christmas collection this year ( atleast those on top of the list of sum 50+ songs) :

FAiry tale of New York- Pogues
Frosty the snowman
Winter wonderland- diff. version.. all good.
Let it snow- Bing Crosby version
Happy christmas( war is over)- John lennon/yoko ono
Do they know its christmas time at all- Band Aid
White Christmas- Bing Crosby
Do you hear what I hear?
Silent Night
All is want for christmas is you- mariah carey
All I want for christmas is a hippopotamus- Shirley Temple
I saw mommy kissing santa clause...oh and theres just tooo many! Lordy! Im christmas crazy! hoho...nothing to worry though..there are many of us out there and YOU know who you are:) tingle-lingle-ling!!

2006-12-08T22:21:00.000Z

haha. and by the way now...where'd all the good ppl go? i ain't one for sure.

To the men who make living a little easier

2006-12-02T02:59:00.000Z

What happens when you put two artistically talented men( who can give you an appetite for good soul music) in a room together?
People who think they're gay for each other should get real coz what you really get is the deliciously soothing and aptly called 'Lullaby'!! Matt costa has amazing vocals and jack johnson on the ukulele is well ...JACK JOHNSON!( I just need Wentworth just hanging out in the background somewhere and it'll officially be the hottest sausagefest in there!) And the lyrics are out of this world yet so close to the heart.

"When you're so lonely lying in bed
Night's closed it's eyes but you can't rest your head
Everyone's sleeping all through the house
You wish you could dream but forgot to somehow
Sing this lullaby to yourself.."

Its dreamy and lilting. Absolutely love it. These are men worth admiring right here!
Other good ones by Matt Costa are "sunshine" and "cold december" . nice video for sunshine.
Singing a lullaby... to yourself can be by far, the single most saddest thing in the world. But if these gods of music tell to do so...hell I don't mind. I will sing myself to sleep, I will stroke my head, disappear into my pillow. I will pat my own back and I'll hope to dream. After all thats the reason why we power through each day don't we? To dream the sweetest, most beautiful dreams at night? I think it makes living a whole lot easier. Disagree?? Well I seem to do that alot. Daytime may be vibrant, fun, stressful, noisy and chaotic. Come darkness and the world seems to stop. Thats when we can grow tiny wings( hell u dont even need them wings!) and fly to the moon and back ...just in time for the 9 am class or work the next morning.

prick of a printer!

2006-12-01T13:23:00.000Z

ok now its really getting painfully hilarious. on every submission deadline...every single time I have a story to tell. The previous ones were frightful, trying to make it on time, trying not to be so damn disorganised...but today was different. Silmilar in a lot of ways but not quite the same either. I thought it was going fine. I had put in alot of hours of hard work into my paper and was quite satisfied with the outcome. Until i had to print it out. Dear god. After 5 tries....the damn thing just wouldn't print!! It was now 11:50 and the deadline was at 12:00. Feeling fucked in the face, I ran around campus looking for a colour printer..found one ...and yet again it wouldn't print. After 2 tries I look around and see a little neglected scrap piece of paper that says: "Out of Order". At 12:05, I ran to the submission office and told Rosie( secretary) of my problem. She was kind enough to print it out for me from her office. That. or she took pity on my hyper panicked soul. So anyway, the brilliant colour print out looked lovely and I was proud of those 15 pages of hard work. I was just about to smile a little satisfied.."phew its done" smile when KHAchack! ......... OOPS! I stapled the document with those staplers for realy thick 500 paged documents. So what I had now before me, were long sharp pins jutting out the topleft hand side of my beautiful front cover. Ruined! So I painfully struggled to get the thing out..hurt myself, poked myself, bled and finally..it was out. It was 12:24 by now....and Rosie look on amused as I fought with that pin in her office. But the big ugly holes glaring at me was so dissappointing-like an irreversible scar on something so beautiful. ugh. whatever. She said the professor wouldn't mind so I just handed it in and didnt look back. I came back home and felt so uneasy. I immediately emailed the prof. telling him of my grievences and those holes in the paper and begged him not to take into account the presentation of the document. Really hoping he doesn't. I am guessing the marking can range from a hopeful A-, a realistic B or a pessimistic B- for this paper ! Just gta wait n see now.

thanksgiving'06

2006-11-23T22:42:00.000Z

oh feuck this new blogger. new gmail account. everything ith gmail account.
Just abck from thanksgiving party. yummy food. stuffed turkey and cranberry sauce....pumkin pie, apple pie..mashed potatoes...bread and hummus..oak smoked cheese and blah blah blah herb cheese. and autumn leaves smoked wine!!!! i got drunk . haha
this thanksgiving i am thankful for friends. Im thankfull for went worth miller and im thankful im alive.

MILLER, Wentworth. He walks in beauty!

2006-11-22T22:22:00.000Z

What is it about Wentworth Miller III that is so bloody appealing? Is it the name? That beautiful face? His subtle sexy charm? His angelic voice? To me, its all of this and more. He's definately got what it takes to be a star and (touchwood), doesn't look like it's got to him yet either. Actually I wouldn't mind if a wee bit of stardust starts to run through his veins- maybe then, he could be quite a Hollywood's Bad Boy. But he's heaven sent as of now. And I'm totally fine with that!~
Excuse me while I talk more about his face. Good God, have mercy!! It is just annoyingly perfect..even the tiny imperfections in it are perfect! In his eyes( which are of slightly different colours-one green, the other hazel), I see Heaven..not joking,I swear!! That warm brown coloured mole on his left temple is quite the silent killer. His lips...soft and full. His sculptured jawline- clean shaven or with a stubble,its sex...I mean sexy, especially when clenched. Just kills me Every. Single. Time. He is Hotness personified, the embodiment of beauty. I adore him to bits cz its because of him I find myself coming up with these abominably cheesy lines. I grow all warm inside and when I see that face of his, I just HAVE to smile, even if I've just had my worst day/night ever. He's got me whole alright. And I'm just a mindless, bloody love fool for him.

Moving on to His tears!! A few people who've known me for a while now, have often told me I have a sadistic streak in me. I've always refuted that claim. But when it comes to watching Beautiful Went cry...I'm reduced to pulp, while my sadistic vein throbs somewhere. OK I admit. I watch prison break just so I can see him cry, among other things. He's a bit tight on them. His tears I mean. He probably sheds a single, clear tear every now and then.Its runs down his cheek and suddenly nothing is right in this world. Aaaaah! do I feel his hurt. And it breaks my heart. He still needs to cry me a river though. Call it a fan request!

Enough about the pain, he takes the crown for that. What about when he laughs( quite rare) or smiles at the least?? Right there!! Thats Perfection. Bliss. A glimmer of hope shines forth and suddenly this world is a better place to be in. It's all in that one smile of Went!!One thing I don't particularly like about his acting skill is when he does a scene where he needs to get really really angry or has to shout. It seems like its just not in his nature and almost seems forced on-screen. Thats the time I can't help but laugh. Baby do no good with crazy but me still crazy over good baby:) Hmmm...after all, looks like I do adore his angry stints as well. Everything the man does I tell ya...! So, the mans not a screamer...but if looks could kill...!! He does have this VERY INTENSE(Intaaanse) look sometimes, those eyes that narrow in deep thought,slight crease on the forehead and oh hell! mercy! not that JAW CLENCH again!! Well, thats when I get really hot.
It's about midnight now, I have a mock exam paper in International Development tomorrow and just who will read the Third IPCC report for me?? Oh sod it!!

"That was a quarter of an hour well spent,
I'm a-comin' dear Went,
Coz only you can make it right,
I'll meet you in my dreams tonight!" ~..mmmmMuah!~

Prison break? FOX shudve known better and called the show HEART break on two feet. with umm 8 toes!:)

2006-11-18T01:21:00.000Z

GOOD LORD!! Is Micheal Scoffield hot or HOT!! Yup...sure feels like im 16 all over again, falling madly in love with a starry eyed boy on TV . Wentworth Miller, the actor who plays Micheal's character is not all that impressive at all, atleast from what I gather from a few of his interviews. He might have a handful of expressions in every episode but oooooo boy they are just about enough to make a gal's heart melt into mush!! Three days!! Thats all it took for me to sit and finish 22 episodes of season 1 and 11 of season 2...Now I have to wait until the next epi is aired and that sucks!
Sigh!! If I wasn't already done with my younger days, my sillier ways..i'd say 'Im in love!':)

yet another step closer to the psyc ward!!

2006-11-14T14:15:00.000Z

FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.MotherFUCKING pig of the first order that needs to be incenerated in a genocide camp this minute!! Thats my 'o great thou fucking art' professor for you all!! That epileptic son of a WHORE who fucks the entire country, be it man, carrots or animals!

" This is a very poor essay, insufficient for a pass at Msc level. It lacks a clear structure and fails to properly summarise the main points of Lomborg's argument. The writing is often incoherent, lacking focus, direction and any clear lines of arguement. The level of understanding demonstrated is naive and superficial. The reference list is totally inadequete-at least 10 references would be expected for an essay of this length. It completely fails in the basic task of evaluating Lomborg's arguments."
and THAT depressing piece of flaming shit is printed on the feedback of my essay..just next to it is an ugly D scrawled in pencil .. the writing enough to shame a retarded kid in special ed kindergarten.uugh. That bastard needs to be tortured and killed... a slow excrutiatingly painful death.DIE you motherfucker and I hope you first rot then burn in hell.well...after the parasites have had their best goddamn feast of sagging sodded flesh in centuries..whats left of the guy to burn,will burn..warming my heart.
As for me, yet another reason to celebrate my glorious D
(which happens to be just 4 days after getting a C in another paper) and get shit drunk, rock back and forth like a psychopath,hands quivering with rage, writing
'alan must die' 500 times listening to Rammstien in full volume ...oooh yes. Been there done that...why not once again. FUCK!!
THIS is precisly the shit that gets a person to check in,in a mental asylum.THIS comment on the essay might as well be my one way ticket to the god forsaken place. IMPOTENT BASTARD!!
PS. thanks for the comment rajat..but i had to delete the previous post..it was silly and not written at a sober time.

there is always tomorrow, but only in theory!

2006-11-01T23:44:00.000Z

Those of you who've read the lengthy crib about my late submission know whats on my mind today. A bad day always makes you think about your life in the bigger picture. thats just what i did and it didnt quite leave me better off from whr i started. My biggest concern right now is my utter failure at good time management. For the first time in my life, I feel like Im doing sumthing for a purpose. that is postgraduate to me.Ive always been the average student and my parents have never pushed me for better grades..bless them for that!The reason i give for being average is my I-don'-really-care attitude.But I'd always known I could do better if i wanted to. High school was a joke, undergrad was fun n easy cruisin, but post grad, as i discover every single day is the raw deal and I want to do good. I find myself again,for the first time, actually worrying about grades and the contents of my study and how it will help me in my career.Thats a good start one might think. and it is. But the scary bit is that now that im trying to do well, things aren't quite working out the way it should. So my fallback factor and comfort of "I can do better if i really want to" has turned into shaky grounds.I am doubting my own capability and that sucks.
I cannot, at this point, seem to manage my weekly readings let alone all the extra readings that is neseccary for my course.I probably feel the need to do really well coz of all money it took to get me here! Everytime I call home for money, dad gets a new wrinkle. Its not comforting to think I'd waste it all and nothing substantial would come out of it.That's a thought enough to fuel nightmares for a month.
But then again, I still think I'm really not trying hard enough. Is that what all incapable people say for a peace of mind?? I really should not start branding self as incapable. Not exactly the best confidence booster around. But i will try harder...stop being such a lazy pig, and get my act together. Post grad?? Sure. Research and 9 to 5's jobs?? Why not!! Bring it on. I feel better already.

My scariest halloween ever!!

2006-11-01T13:20:00.000Z

NEVER party the night before a major deadline!!You think you can manage but you WON'T!! I should've known this right from the start...its common sense after all, isnt it? but noooo....Ms sunshine wants to risk it and the 'it' being 50% worth of coursework( the remaining 50 assigned for an essaytype exam in which i get screwed anyway). And now Im sleepy, hungry,hungover, pissed at self for being dumb enough to go for that party last night.
But it was halloweens and even though YEVERYBODY was going to mylens court for the party ..all dressed up as wicthes n fairies...I initially got my act together and decided I couldn't afford to go.I stuck wit my decision until my flatmate went out with her big hat and broom stick. But sitting in my room with the 4000 words to go in front of me was no comfort. My mind had taken off with that damned broomstick. But I still persevere and shake any distraction off my head and try to type sumthing. Second attempt and it just didnt look like it would or COULD happen. Then the devil on my left shoulder appears and before i let the good one pop up, I get dressed in black,skirt,fishnets and a glitter cat-ears hairband( which i bought, you know JUST in case.)and Viola!ready for halloween! But I still decided not to go to the party,just wanted to get dressed n go out. promised self wud get bck home by 10. I went to the pagan parade on princes street.Lots of people, TALL people...I killed my toes trying to see what was happening on stage.Could see bits of things..fire dancers,stunts,loose haired, pagan dancing, wild drum beats, haunting songs...from the little I could see, it was quite cool. Even better were the crowd all dressed up like crazy. Its cold so I buy Vodka. I start drinking shots frm the bottle while the chinese girls i'd gone with are eyeing me,scandalized.Just when Im about to head back home..."Brigit?? hi brigit!YOU were in front of me all the while, blocking my view?? Who are you here wi...oooh hie Tim. David! nae!... how come you guys are all here and what happaned to the party??" Next thing I know, Im at the party, with an empty bottle of vodka and empty bottle of wine,sandwiched betwn a dracula and a history student!( a guy actually doing phd in history,not sumone trying to be funny). I called Andre fr sum reason and dont remember our conversation.something abt designing water tanks?? I was so wasted, came home in a taxi, ate the saltiest maggi ever with mushroom n bacon, made a mess of the kitchen, set my alarm at 4:30 am,slept, got up to recheck set alarm, slept, rechecked again, dropped phone, rechecked,dropped sumthing else i still havent figured out and finally slept agn only to wake up to the alarm 2 hours later!! Nightmare!!
So Ive been up since then.Read my assignment AFTER submitting and its full of SHITE!The bit i wrote when hungover is probably a wee bit off topic as well. No tables, no data..one hell of a dry report.With bad english. FUCK.

Submission blues:

DEadline: 12 noon.
11:10 and im still typing my executive summary!! type tyepe tyue, type, tpe.
I try to submit online and the damn web ct wont open.
11:59 I run to microlabs, and the printers are all busy! THere is always someone printing 100 pages when ur in a hurry to use the printer. Is that there in murphey's law??
12:45 finally submitted my assignment...now im just hoping it will be accepted, let alone wish I'd written a better one or not gone to the damn halloween party at all. Fuck.

You're damn right I don't feel like dancing .

2006-10-28T22:58:00.000+01:00

More Scissor Sisters lyrics and videoclips on Lyricspy

THE SONG: 'I don't feel like dancing'- Scissor Sisters.

THE RANT: Every single time on a night out, I cannot seem to get away from listening to this CHEESE!!EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. Be it in a corner pub or a flashy Club. I hate the indi scene here which is not at all indian music as i thot it was, but just some kind of rock. I hate that there are so many genres in music and you got to hit certain clubs accordingly. Whats the deal with that?? I don't need an added headache of deciding places to go get wild, according to the bloody million genres of shit they have out there!!For me there is good music and then theres bad music. fuck the genres. Good old CB..the one and only.. actually had the best mix to think of it...ever. Hiphop with the occasional crowd thumping surprises like oasis, pulp fiction or punjabi mc...and even if it was repeated almost every single saturday night of the year for four years..it was still alright. It rightly fed the passive dancing bodies leaving little or no room for complains. The music didn't want to make you rip your hair apart atleast!! But this song...and other music played here in some of the clubs.Its...sickeningly heart breaking. In all fairness, there are a few good places. But who the hell are arctic monkeys? And cold play... in a club??GET REAL.
The only time I've had fun with this particular song is after alooot of drinking when you can't hear the music any longer anyway.
So watch, listen and learn. I really cannot be blamed if 'I don't feel like dancing no sir, no dancing today' ..to this shit for sure! Just gets on my nerves!Phew. Wish me luck for next weekend.

Love me, Love my shoes!

2006-09-28T19:12:00.000+01:00

I STILL havent got my laptop yet!!!:( !$%^ the laptop actually ...I don't even have a bloody bank account yet nor a mobile! Pretty shitty huh?!! But I'm really trying not to miss them too much and think about how simple things were when I wasn't so used to such things in life. But then again..there are those other times-when it's impossible to roll out of bed without that certain song to start your day with or having to spend hours in the oh so quiet computer labs.... and then suddenly you're thinking- to hell with simple living!
2nd week of my post grads and coursework has gained a ridiculously... sonic momentum. Head on collision happening with the different courses and their assignments and readings. Guess thats what a bloody Msc is all about. humph! But ..I can't really complain..I signed up for this and it's just the 2nd week for !"£$ sake! BREaTHE. BREATHE....
RRight then...moving on. To a more chilled out note. One good thing: I've not been "forgetting" to have a good time amidst all this work ! So who cares if its a wednesday night and I have a 9 am lecture the next day? Sure as hell not ME!
It was a movie on tuesday night- Talladega Nights:the legend of Ricky Bobby- starring Will Ferrel of Mugatu fame in Zoolander.Was idiotically hilarious and Ali G is just beyond description! Had some minor problem with sound in the middle of the movie so they gave us free tickets to any other show next week ! :)
Now wednesday night..that was fun. A bunch of us from my programme met up in Sandy Bells Pub playing Live scottish music which just makes you want to jump around and do a Celidh. A couple of pints later, the place seemed too small and too noisy for the now "Merry" us so we decided to go for this other thing ..a university night in a club called IGNITE*. CAVANDISH, starring the Sun bloc girls!!Hmmmmm. Made me want to squirm at the thought of going to watch hot blonde WOMEN in swimsuits, dirty dancing to the Baywatch song club remix( which incidentally was quite nice actually) So anyway, we eventually get there and there 's a queue for about 2 blocks up the road AND we are not on the guest list!!boo hooo.. anyhu, it was just about midnight so we stood in line for about an hour( I kid you not!) , moving an inch in every excrutiatingly long two minutes and finally we got to the door! Inside it was just pure chaos! Just too many people, so guess what!!?yup..another easy 30 minutes wait at the bar to get A drink and finally we were ready to hit the floor! The sun bloc girls as I would've imagined were ....a sad sad lot...other than a few horny men enjoying watching them dance on stage, I thought the rest of the crowd was going to boo them off stage at any minute ! That sadly didn't happen but fortunately for me and other like-minded folks who just wanted to dance...there was a separate floor upstairs playing 60's, 80's retro and other glorious dance mixes!!!! Danced like a mad woman with great balls of fire on her heels..starring my new GREEN retro shoes!( sorry, just HAD to put that in!). So lets not get into how my 9 am class went this morning! :)

Viva la Escocia!

2006-09-19T16:34:00.000+01:00

It just had to happen to me!! First two nights in a flat full of chinese boys in a strange new city! Of the hundreds of thousands of new students accommodations deal with, they had to hand ME the wrong key to my flat! Anyway, the boys.... were a sweet sweet bunch who actually got quite sad I had to leave and was ready to help me shift flats again. So now I'm in the flat I was originally supposed to be in. Yea..an all girls flat I'm afraid. Still got to make that long due trip to IKEA coz the room looks too damn dull at the moment... needs some colour, a mirror and ..hmm..other interesting junk while I'm at it . My flatmates are all really nice (so far atleast haha) and they sure do cook alot..which is kind of a good thing coz in their company I've made quite a few meals myself. :)

The two day fieldtrip to Northern Scotland( Glenlivet Estate) was FUN. About 21 of us from the Msc course, spent two nights in a small quaint town of Tomintoul. Got really good 3 course meals ..ofcourse all of this for free! Got to love Simon, my programme director..such a nice person. So in those two days..lets see..visited farms, national parks, talks by park rangers about course related stuff, an ecovillage, walked for miles uphill in rain and sludge to see trees being sawed off(!), fed reindeers under that same bloody pouring rain...well atleast the rest of them did anyway. I was just pissed I had to be standing cold and soaking wet in a farm surrounded by a herd of &**%^ reindeers! Really sympathetic beings though.
They say you haven't seen Scotland if you haven't been to a Whiskey Distillery. So we did the rounds there as well. Had free tasting of an 18 year old single malt which wud have probably cost me an arm and a leg. I know now, for sure, that I am no whiskey lover. A pint of beer....hmm..now thats something else.Tried the local brewery's beer and ofcourse some gorgeous black guiness. Add to that a shot of amarretto and I was in my happy place! Came back to the city on f riday and headed straight for the Celidh( Scottish dancing)..amazing ..had an awsome time there getting thrown around my men in kilts!:) Later went to this 3 storey club called Espionage....missed the good old Cool Bananas like hell!!
Spent the weekend walking around the royal mile n high street. The good thing about this city is how you keep bumping into someone you know ...so met david n leo from my course n went to a pub called the last drop. Apparently this place was whr prisioners came for their last pint before they got hung in the gallows which is just outside in the square. Another reason why it isn't hard to fall in love with Edinburgh- all that history!!
Had my first lecture for my course today..it went well so im happy about that and looking forward to all the long sleepless nights studying in the Library..haha. ganbarenakya....
Would really want to strike a balance between having fun n course work. Some ppl manage it so well. Edinburgh's music scene is also too good to pass so will be hopefully going to atleast 1 live gig every once in a while. BTW, talking about music..hehe..met this 17 yr old kid during the fieldtrip..a wanna be rocker..sort of mixed up with all the smoking and doped out look plus the hanson brothers hair style and still breaking voice. Apparently he has a "rock band" and plays some nights in venues around the city. He even gave me his record which I must say is seriously deranged and mental! Oh and their band is called DED Rabbits( like LED zeppelin) The most hilarious bit was the fact that he was telling me about all his head banging rock band and hard core habits when the clock strikes 10 and he asks me for a mobile so that he cud call his dad to come pick him up from the pub! Priceless!

In scotland.

2006-09-10T13:58:00.000+01:00

It's been a while...hell..more than a while..its been a little more than a month since I last blogged! So what have I been upto since? Lets see...there was the sayonara party in Japan, the depressing flight back home to India, a great ten days or so at home with mumn n dad and now...I'm in Scotland, ready to start school again in Endiburgh. With relatives at the moment in the countryside in Glasgow..simple beautiful out here. Drove around the Clover highlands and Lunan bay overlooking the cold North sea yesterday. Lovely weather too...had been expecting shitty wet weather but ever since I've come..we've been blessed with warm sunny days. Will take a while to get used to the accent with which people speak english here. Glenn's friend is driving me to my uni today. Sort of have mixed feelings about that....going to the uni! Im excited yet a bit scard. I guess we all can get that way when we're about to start something new in a new country. A slight nagging anxiety in the pit of your stomach. Other than that..it's been really nice so far. More later.

sex museum

2006-07-29T12:00:00.000+01:00

Made it to the sex museum! Finally. You haven't seen Japan if you miss out on the sex museums...thats what the websites n brochures say atleast. It was two floors of air conditioned haven...considering the 40 degrees of july heat outside. Inside..despite the cool air...things were hot!! Needless to say why ofcourse. So we saw them all dicks, dicks and more dicks... of all shapes n sizes. The humungus whale penis, the twisted one of a pig, chimpanzes, lions(disappointed), dogs, cows, zebra's, giraffes... what have you!! Then a myriad of Phallus Gods from different cultures around the world, the bizzare "penis case" of Papua New Guniea(can't look at the png boys frm school the same way now), the hindu mythological gods in full sexual glory, a chick atop the meditating Buddha, a million different sex positions potrayed in various forms of sculpture and art, bondage stuff, Slave and master, the seven dwarfs fucking a happy slutty snow white (this was way cute!) ekcetera...
We even sat through a japanese porno flick in the mini theatre there. At first it was just us 4 girls, taking the back seat..legs rested high..relaxed andn enjoying....then a few men walked in and ruined it!!...or maybe we ruined it for them with our giggling like a bunch of high school girls and our sound effects imitating japanese orgasms. As for the men, they were dead serious, watching with sick desperation printed in bold on their faces.
The second floor..yup..more penis! A few boobs here n there. But mostly penises! Penis penis everywhere but not a ...erm... there in the limelight..made of rubber, exquisitely carved wood or plastic. I rode a rodeo bull machine...peeked through holes in the toilet stall...and in the end of it all...the souviner shops...stood calling..ready to rip us off! We didnt give in although the penis lollipop in kinky pink wud've been one hell of a good suck!
Went to the Jigoku's* lit. hells* or natural hot springs next. Apparently all closes at 5 pm and it was past 5, so we casually walked in anyway, which was a good thing- even if it meant seeing less of whats really there to see- coz this way its for free! Here's how you do it..so if the place closes at 5..make it at around 5:15 ish...the main reception is closed and no one's there but you can still enter the premises provived the gate is not bolted shut*only in few cases*. The staff is usually enagaged in cleaning at this time and because of the dense white smoke and the sounds from the gurgling boiling hot spring, you can walk past them unnoticed!! So we walked in on two places that way, cooly strolling past a cleaning staff's back, checking out the beautiful 90 degree natural geysers, a hippopataumus beating the heat, peacocks, etc. The cleaning guy caught us on our way back and the poor thing was surprised how we got in at all!! He was about to charge us the entrance fee but we gave the 'confused and lost tourist' performance and escaped that ordeal. It was a hot sticky summer day, was alright...but now am back home realy really tired ...and have to do sum major packing coz tomorrow its impossible! Got work at the restuarant in the morning tomorrow and later at night the summer festival n fireworks on the beach.
Day after...its bye bye house!!:( Leaving my one-room hilton paradise for crammed spaces at a friends place. Will be sharing with 4 other ppl..my home for August!! After which i got no real address...altho its probably gna be sumwhr in the misty mosty scottish highlands.. going with the flow...bye bye japan. hel-lloo men in skirts!!;)

Fanaa-destroyed in love

2006-07-20T17:45:00.000+01:00

"Tere dil mein meri saason ko panah mil jaye , tere ishq mein meri jaan fanna ho jaye...."

"Rone de aaj humko do aakhen sojane de, baahon mein le le , aur khud ko bhi jaane de. Hai jo seene mein kaid dariya woh chot jayega, hai itna dard ke tera daman bheeg jayega...."

"Adhuri Saans thi dhadkan adhuri thi adhure hum,Magar ab chand pura hai fhalak pe aur ab pure hain hum.

flashback

2006-07-10T18:28:00.000+01:00

So we're chilling late at night in the awesome beach guest house(dont look at the high rise, its the small shacks in the front) and after one too many Okinawa aowamori sake's with fake cola, Ryota,this guy who drove us around the island earlier, asks me if he can use my legs as a hiza makura. I didn' t really understand but I do know what a makura(=pillow) is and the way his eyes were fixed on my bare legs, i could guess what he meant. I obviously diverted his attention away from my legs and made some lame joke out of it and got out of the situation.. That was then...3 days ago.
Now I come back from my holiday and am back at what I do best when i'm home i.e surfing the WWW, the geek that i be. I came across this hiza makura concept in some japan site and nearly fell out of my chair!!I had forgotten about it but just reading the word ..I remembered it and it came back all too well. I finally get it!

So the deal with this Hiza makura is that there is apparently a bit of culture behind it. In Japan, men and women, seem to have this thing about laying their heads on their mothers knees and having their ears cleaned with a Q-Tip. So that feeling of lying your head on your mothers', or girlfriends' lap is apparently really really desireable for males as they get older. Weird?? Read on...

As things go in Japan, everything needs to be made ready-to-use for the ever willing consumers.Hiza makura bearing no exception to this rule. This product consists of the lower half of a woman in a skirt, sitting in the seiza position, and is made out of some ultra skin like material!! BBC even had an news story about it way back in 2004! Apparently it was all sold out!! each for about $90! NB* Do not miss the guy's face in the article. What a creep!*

So then, thats the story about my very own hiza makura incident!! Although , I would still like to think of Ryota as the cool local guy with that hot tan, instead of a 38 yr old, single, creep! He was hilarious!

homecoming of the confused soul!

2006-07-10T14:02:00.000+01:00

Back from za holiday. was nice and the place was just so beautiful. met some amazing chilled out folks 0n the island.Not trying to consider my superb gift of short term memory but one may forget people over time..how they looked like (no matter how hot the bod or immaculate the tan!) or something funny they might have said but one can seldom forget the way they made you feel. Ok thats a distorted version of a beautiful quote i had read sumtime back. but it makes the same point. Those people at the island..made me feel like ....the last thing i was ...was a clueless tourist doing rounds of money extorting lame touristy places. They all made me feel like I was in someplace i cud call home coz after all an ideal vacation wud be to go places in search of bliss and fun- off the normal beaten track...not in search for lets say, an exotic bird sitting in a caged and simulated tropics. So that one day at Nago, among people with big hearts and bigger smiles, was truly my blue sky holiday. As opposed to that, Naha the capital reminded me too much of what i'd happily left behind. was still alright tho.

almost almost got a decent tan. thought i'd left a piece of me on the island...whatever it was soul ,heart, head or toe..its come running back to mamma! :) and italy won!eyaiyay..so is all cool for now. got a shit load of more time at hand to chill..sadly it's gta be wasted in this shithole of a place . i guess once again my frequent posting starts. will really try n resist the oh so tempting urge. it might be the hardest thing ive had to tackle so far!

I really wish i cud be in a different time and a different place at these restless times...its all about the weak yet smart choice of escaping or the being strong yet stupid choice of sticking around and dealing with what u clearly don't want. Fight or Flight!
Like jack johnson says..."i was sitting waiting wishing that u'd believe in superstitions then maybe u'd see the signs. lord knows that this life is cruel but i aint the lord no i'm just a fool..." If music be the language of souls...all of JJ's words are mine!

finally..the long due day to day journal on my trip to Okinawa.

2006-07-09T14:29:00.000+01:00

When dreams turn to reality
Day 1: Reached Naha and took a monorail from the airport to the city centre. Walked out in what was the hottest the island had gotten since start of summer-35 degrees of humid heat and the sun burning my skin!Walked around trying to look for a cheap place to spend the night. We found a dormitory just above a liquer store in a ghetto like side of town. It was cheap alright and with it came dirty toilets, roaches and and an almost inhabitable square box for a dormitory with no fan! We decided to pay a little more and took the ac private rooms instead. It was a whle lot more decent and so we dumped our bags and got ready to start our holiday! the first place we hit was ofcourse..the beach. we took a taxi and haggled for a reasonable price (which goes on alot in okinawa by the way..so its way cool). We've got 2000 down to 800 yen even! The sight of the blue green sea dotted with swimmers and the warm sand with sunbathers and tanned lifeguards was sheer joy. While ass and cp didnt wait a minute longer to hit the water and the sand, adu n me went bikini shopping! an hour later...we got back to the beach and had a whole lot of fun in the sun. The locals were all so tanned, their skin tinted deep orange looked just heavenly. Ofcourse i couldnt expect to get that with a few hours of sunbathing! later when the sun had set and the beach got less crowded, we too headed off to a nearby pub and drank some cold beer and sang a few songs at the karaoke there. A perfect first day of vacation. Got back to the dormitory early and did some essential planning out for the next few days there in Okinawa- places to go, where to stay etc. A local girl from the dorm who spoke excellent english helped us out with that alot and by 3 am we had a plan. Those dreams we dreamt together..we were all realizing it, living it now.

Pacing life

Day 2: Left early for Nago on the North of the island. It was a two hour drive listening to unbearable italian opera ballads on the radio. Later we switched stations to an all american one..so what we got was a crazy american RJ, a few good songs and breathtaking sights along the highway by the sea. We finally reached Nago after what felt like ages and then began our hunt for the Nago guest house. The local girl who had helped us plan the trip had suggested this guest house for meeting 'wild fun' people. We did find the place after a good 45 minutes of asking around and getting lost and winding up in similar places again n again n again. The place looked like a shack which is what it really was. A bunch of shabby tiny wooden structures tightly scattered over a junkyard by the beach. Who would have known by the look of the place that it would be the very place where I had the most fun and memorable times while on vacation. The people were so laid back and chilled out. We were shown to our small room and given a tour of the place which took up barely 2 minutes(heres the kitchen, out back there are the showers and Done!) of our prime beach time. and then we hit the warm sand which was just 3 or 4 steps away from our room!! This beach was empty...not a soul ard other than the four of us ofcourse. And the view was just perfect..endless sea meeting the endless sky in the horizon somewhere very very far away. when it got too hot I sat with an okinawan beer on the hammocks back at the shack, the gentle n cool sea breeze brushin against my skin. Later we went kayaking which was a whole lot of fun. cp('nichan' at
Nago..hehe) n me on one, rowed our way far out to a rock.We headed back to the shore when it began to drizzle. It felt like cool ocean spray and was so refreshing. We had to walk quite a stretch of the beach dragging the kayak back to the shack. But then us being us..we dumped the thing in the middle of nowhere on the beach and the boys picked it up later in their jeep. Then I kicked around a football on the beach, spent a little more time by the waters and then we headed off for fruitsland and a few other places with Ryota and Chi , two amazingly tanned locals with big smiles and a bigger heart. We had got talking earlier and since we hadnt rented a car on the island, they decided to drive us around. What better than having a local showing us around the island? It was great, the ride on his van listening to jack johnson and taking in the island views was quite something. Fruitsland was sort of a drag. Lots of fruits, butterflies, brilliantly hued tropical birds and free tasting of cookies and cakes made from different kinds of fruits. After that was done, we didnt really have a 'to do 'thing on our list, so we asked Ryota to surprise us and take us places. He took us first to a nice okinawan restuarant as we were all so hungry. Ate a good meal, listening to the waterfall in the breezy open deck restuarant. Then he took us to a lookout point..sort of a cliff overlooking the sea below and miles n miles around.We spotted a tiny speck of an island far off and he decided to drive us there. Once we crossed the bridge to the other island everything was wild and natural, the maze of small unpaved dust roads leading down to the beach, with fields on either side, no people bustling about, no mcdonalds, no nothing. Just us in the car and nature at its best. The beach turned out to be a slice of heaven itself- small and secluded. It was truly beautiful. By now the sun was setting and we decided to watch the sun set off into the waters from another beach. Thats when our adventure started. Poor Ryota..despite being a local, he tried. and tried. and tried yet again, to get to that beach. but we just kept getting lost in those maze of small dust roads, which had fork pathways on every other turn. Finally after almost an hour of reversing and going round n round to find ourselves in the place where we started off, we just drove up on higher grounds and saw the remanents of the bright orange ball from the car. It was beautiful none the less. We also literally chased the rainbows while on our quest to reach the sun set. Saw them in full color and perfect arch, atleast about 5 different times. It was getting late by now so we headed back to the guest house, after collecting my cell phone along the road coz I'd left it in a tiny surf n fishing shop while asking for directions earlier in the day. Heck I didnt even miss it all that much..I was on a holiday for gods sake!:) Once home we all sat out on the deck, all the travellers in the guest house and the staff and we just chilled. Cold beer and aowamori okinawan sake, in the company of fun people. We talked, laughed and drank our way into the night. It was like one big family, a community of complete strangers. There were a few magical moments when we all shared comfortable silences just staring out at the moons reflection in the waters and the stars above the ocean. Nobody had a single care or worry in the world..atleast not then. not on this night. Ryota got the gang into more of the chill mode when he started struming his guitar and the shamisen( three stringed okinawa instrument). The sounds were heavenly. And he sang a few of my favourite songs including the japanese song nada sou sou, more than words and patience by GNR. Gotta love that guy, Ryota. He was so laid back and cool and funny as hell. He's a staff at the beach shack so he told us of hilarious and interesting incidents of the 'forever kissing' french couple and other travellers who stayed over at the guest house. Slept at 4 am that night with an excuse of waking up early the next morning...even though the now drunk Ryota, insisted I stay for the 5th "one last" drink!! But I did have to wake up early the next day as we were heading back down to Naha. It was a sad sayonara after uncertain promises of coming back again, I sure as hell wished to be able to have stayed a bit longer! The ride back to Naha was a silent one. I think each of us knew that that was a special time spent, memories of which will remain etched in our hearts for a long time to come.

Gradual Transition
Day 3: Back in the bustling capital, the previous day at Nago seemed like a distant and beautiful dream of pure shores. We stopped in Ryuku Mura-a traditional okinawa themed village on our way back to Naha. We caught a few performances there of Esa dance and Shamisen and saw Habu snakes as well . We checked into our hotel 'Sun Royal' and just dived into the plush beds coz we'd been sleeping on floors in the guest house and dorm. After a very 'fishy' lunch at the hotel's cafe resturant, we headed out to see the Shuri castle. The castle was so immaculate and rich with history and culture. Came back to the hotel and rested our tired feet a while then got ready for a saturday night out in town. We even bumped into a guy from the uni there , also on a holiday, with his girl. After checking out a few random shops along the kokusai doori(international shopping street), we looked around for good clubs. We found one and went in as the weather outside had started to get bad. A storm was due the next day!! So we danced in that club till the wee hours of the morning, took a taxi back to the hotel and slept like logs on our last night in Okinawa.

Back to Reality

Day 4: The next morning, we got a call from the hotel reception saying that we needed to check out at 11am! it was 11am and we were all in bed!! we hurried and took turns in the shower and packed our bags and left the room in the span of 30 minutes! We headed for the airport and browsed the shops there selling okinawa gifts and artifacts. Finally it was boarding time and we got on the flight back to home in Beppu! I slept throughout the one and a half hour flight as I was so tired from the previous night's clubbing. But those one and half hour of sleep was the most delicious sleep I've had for it was filled with dreams and memories of my 3 days in paradise!!

of offsides, postal fuck ups and sleep deprivation

2006-07-01T06:10:00.000+01:00

Forget relationship and character analysis of determining whos from mars and who's from venus. The determining factor I think lies in one seemingly simple question, 'what is an offside'? You know you're from mars if you clear your throat and prepare to 'educate' the person with a 10 minute explanation or reach out for the nearest objects (salt n pepper shaker,beer cans,etc. ) to explain an offside. On the other side of the spectrum, you definately know you're from venus- no matter how much football you know-if yo
u use verbal abuse as a matter of fending off the question in the first place and then later get into a defense mode.
Example
Some twit: "So then, whats an offside?"
Venus: "What are you crazy, asking me that silly question? I mean, what the fuck? Do YOU know what the fuck it is? "
(Interpretation: ' Lets see.offside.hmm..happens alot during matches but I haven't the smallest clue!' )

As for me, its yet another breakthru evidence that I am undoubtedly from Venus (as if I had doubts haha). Well, I read up on it(offside for dummies)...so I now I won't be totally ignorant and therefore irritated at being asked the dreaded question. But I still can't seem to figure it out for sure. I mean the attacker can be in an offside position and still not be commiting an offside coz he's not interfering with the play? coz he's not active in play but oh ..just hanging out by the goal post? ugh. I quit. Atleast I know just about enough to understand and enjoy the game. Don't need to get into the gritty details. Thats what those refrees with flags are there for. Or maybe there's nothing to it! As in, am I trying to understand what I already know, thinking theres actually more to it! Well...we'll never know. :)
In other news:
Almost killed a post man today. Had slept at 6am after the match and at 12:56 the door bell rings frantically. I wake up and yell, "Fuck!~" and thomp my sleepy ass to the door. THOMP. THOMP. THOMP. THOMP.Blood boiling. forhead creasing. eyes narrowing. heart rate off the richter. So I opened the door and thrs this gay ass post man asking me if im somebody im not.Do I look Japanese?? I kept yelling What? What do u want? I scowled at that man and had a sudden surge of murderous instincts. I yanked the post out of his hands. Flapped it and slapped it on the door still yelling, "This is not me. Watashi jyanai...watashi JYAANNAII! " I handed him back the letter and slammed the door on his face. Came back to my bed thomping again and just when I thought I'd go back to sleep...my alarm went off at 13:00!! Bottomline: I haaate to be woken before my alarm goes off. Why do you think I set the alarm at that time anyway? SO I CAN WAKE UP BEFORE JUST TO WAIT AND HEAR IT GO OFF?? PHA....

girls of summer

2006-06-28T07:24:00.000+01:00

back from Kuju. sure was a nice break. the farmhouse- practically in the middle of nowhere in the mountains, near the still smoking dormant volcano- was a verry chilled out place...a lovely bbq and a couple of beers with fun company was just was I needed to wile away my holdiay time inbetween the island vacation am gna be making soon. Sleeping in the attic was good fun as well:) Blessed with perfect weather in the middle of the rainy season was sheer luck. Too bad star gazing was not on the ..well..stars, coz the sky was still a bit overcast. But I did watch fireflies glow around the deep forest surrounding us and slept to the sounds of cricket chirrping and frogs doing what they do best. At one point, while sitting by myself out on the deck, strumming the guitar under the night sky, I was oblivious to every thing around me...everything except the gentle cool breeze (ok fine..a bit too chilly) and the sounds of the mid summer night. Sort of sick to see buildings and hurried people everywhere, now that im back in so called civilization and the sounds of cars on the highways is clearly turning out to be a nuisance .. a pain in the ear really. One night admist nature somewhere far from the maddening crowd, can make you more sensitive to the sounds and sights of what you live through every sinlgle day. funny that.
am wonderfully drowsy right now in this summer heat...think i'll take a catnap..Maybe dream a little about okinawan beaches and all the fun in the sun...

aeturnus eternus II: Elaine of Astolat

2006-06-26T19:20:00.000+01:00

"..But who hath seen her wave her hand?
Or at the casement seen her stand?
Or is she known in all the land,
The Lady of Shalott? "

"...There she weaves by night and day-- She has heard a whisper say,A curse is on her if she stay
To look down to Camelot. "

"...And moving through a mirror clear--that hangs before her all the year, Shadows of the world appear."

"...From the bank and from the river-- He flashed into the crystal mirror,..by the river sang Sir Lancelot."

"...She left the web, she left the loom,
She made three paces through the room,
She saw the water-lily bloom, She saw the helmet and the plume,
She look'd down to Camelot.

:..The mirror crack'd from side to side; "The curse is come upon me," cried The Lady of Shalott. "

"...Lying, robed in snowy white
That loosely flew to left and right -- The leaves upon her falling light -- Thro' the noises of the night, She floated down to Camelot.."

"..she reached upon the tide, the first house by the waterside
Singing in her song she died, The lady of Shalott"

"...Lancelot mused a little space
He said, "She has a lovely face;
God in his mercy lend her grace, The Lady of Shalott."

*When they found her dead on the boat in Camelot, she had a letter for Lancelot in one hand and a bunch of lillies on the other.She died of heartbreak for she could never get Lancelot's love. Although!! the letter said that he pay for her funeral with his gold!! ..GO lily maid of astolat..the Lady of Shalott! That was ttly midIEVAL :)

aeturnus eternus I : Elaine of Astolat

2006-06-26T18:29:00.000+01:00

(The White Knight,Walter Crane,1870)

"...The helmet and the helmet-feather
Burn'd like one burning flame together,
As he rode down to Camelot.

His broad clear brow in sunlight glow'd;
On burnish'd hooves his war-horse trode;
From underneath his helmet flow'd
His coal-black curls as on he rode,
As he rode down to Camelot." - Tennyson, The Lady of Shallot.

If I could write songs like Kurt Cobain...

2006-06-25T15:51:00.000+01:00

...they would go a bit like these!! ( excuse the time I have at hand!! just time and only time. fuck it )
NB: Sing along how u like it!! Any amatuer music composers reading this...write up a tab and contact me @ Thesis Aftermath productions, 8750925 ,JP !:)
Explicit content.

Song No.#1..lemme call this one ....
Open wound

Verse 1 :
Finding it hard to give a fuck
find it hard to care, what u say
I guess I have the attention deficit dis
Oh yea I’d like a whiskey now
Where was I ?
Beer tastes good
Astringent glory
I don’t care what you do
What u say what u feel
Who you have by your side
A flashy accessory,cheap
I don’t care about ur heartbreak on two feet
Yea those heels she’ll use em good
And u’ll be left there, gaping wide

V2:
Funny so funny turns and times
Its was me next is you
Have a happy life
A bad life I don’t give a fuck
Coz I love yellow water
Yea am doing my time in my head
In my high security high walled heart
Chained and free
See me ..
See me now
I walk away…yeaaaah

Interlude: No escaping till your’e gone
Mabe ur going when I’m gooone (x bunch of times)
Aaah..yeah yeah yeah aaaaaaaaaaah scream shout
When am I gone
When im gone
Im gone
For good
For good and gone ...repeat til fade:)

Underratted

Beautiful boy
Natural 9 to 9
U rock my world yea
U rock my world yea

I caught u ugly
So ugly
In my head
U rocked my world yea
U rocked my world yea

Blow up that balloon and hide your face in pink X 5

Guilt trip

The ride of ur life for free
Under age pay with tears
Maybe apologies
Over 21 ur free to go its for free yea
This guilt trip. Wild ride on the wild side
Sit back and enjoy
See the fleeting scenes out your window, your eye
Its not the destination but the journey
Guilt trippin wooaaooaa
Let me see who wooaoaaa
Be trippin tonight
woaaaaa yeaaaaa

TO the old woman living two doors down

Old woman
go slow
ur bent
go slow
ragged ann n andy,dusty dolls
priceless gifts
an angel in wrinkled skin
you are being watched and judged
nullifying ur misdeeds with this deed
your good. your quite alrite mrs. i dont know your name!
ooooweeewuuuu yea yea yea

Worry when its useless

Fucking piece of flaming shit
Its broken ..its broken
heres bad news
My only refuge
Broken and torn
Useless piece of burning piss
You ruled
Now ur just broken
So broken
And im in lack of a muse
bemused misused amused
But ur just useless ,abused
Like 10 in a team, t in the eam
Ur short of a string a melody a chord
fucking piece of shaped n polished wood!!
arrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh x 5 (repeat till fade)
This last one is written for my guitar with a broken string!!

So there, thats it for now. theres more whr that came from but not suitable for public viewing.:)

PS-None of the above intends to riducule Kurt Cobain and his songs with Nirvana. He was an excellent musican in his own right, in the league of the greatest rockers to grace the stage. RIP.

when the old come out to play...

2006-06-25T09:21:00.000+01:00

A sweet old lady gives you a doll!
What could possibly be so scary about that??? I'll tell you what is scary!
The first time this happened there were 3 old and ragged japanese dolls ,one with a twisted head. Months passed as I suspiciously eyed those dolls lying on the hallway. And then there was today, infact a moment ago! Just thought I need to blog this one fresh.

So its a rainy grey day, cold, dreary and gloomy with the ocassional thunderbolts n lightening to thrill. Our apartment door is wide open to let in some fresh air. I am making pasta on a typical lazy sunday evening when I hear the door bell. Before I cud pop my head out the kitchen to see who it is, right in walks the old lady with more old dolls lying lifeless and all collected on her apron. 'Shocked' is the only word I can think of right then. While I'm still managing to make indecipherable noises, she kneels herself down and starts arranging those dolls on the table..like properly arranging them so they all face one side in unison. I manage to retrive my voice and call out for aastha. She comes into the kitchen a while later, shocked to see an old lady doing things with ragged dusty dolls on our kitchen table. The old woman says that we make paper chits and decide among us three roomies who gets which doll... then walks out as hauntingly as she'd walked in.

Aastha n me were left staring at each other then the 13 or so dolls, then back to each other. I picked a doll and saw it was sort of in mourning or just dead as a ghost. The doll is dressed in black, death pale white face, large gaunt eyes, black long hair(think adams family). brrrrr...freaked me out,i tell ya!
Now it's just more number of dolls for me to suspiciously eye everytime I walk in and out the front door. Its just lying there coz I dont want to touch it or mess aroud with it. Later thinking of the possibilities, I ended up wondering if that sweet old strange woman was being paid by the goverment to tap conversations and bugged the doll to keep an eye out for "those gaijins". Nah, the possibility in that was zero to none. Maybe she is really lonely and just really sweet and wants to give us things..even if those are things lying undusted for decades on her mantle. It's so difficult to blindly trust people in todays world, its just so sad. I'll be sending a quiet prayer out for her...that old lonely woman who lives two doors down...

blues of the perfect life.

2006-06-21T20:35:00.000+01:00

---everyone loves my life but me---

What did I say about the frequent unnecessary posts??? Not more than 10 minutes have ticked away(I can hear it) and I'm back ...It's 4:02 am and I can't seem to get any shut eye. Funny how I'm not alone in this. I can hear my roommate in the other room singing along with Phil Collins! "Oh think twice, its just another day for you and me in paradise. " HOLY!! It actually IS just a matter of the symbolic 'another day' for us in paradise. We are here today. We will go for one last holiday to an island in the sun. And then we go our separate ways. I am only as strong as the coffee I drink, the hair spray I use, the friends I have...I don't want this time in paradise to end!!
ooo now its " Billy -the son of a preacher man..." She sings mighty well that woman. :)
Right then. I really need to sleep before the privacy of my insanity is threatened by the limelight. Later days!
Shit! just remembered...have to get up early tomorrow and make chicken curry for lunch at a friend's. Will start counting sheep from ..NOW!

the restless mind at work again!

2006-06-21T19:36:00.000+01:00

Is it ok to fancy someone when you have a five year age difference in between? Its a whole half decade of hit singles, trends, hairstyles, history, tv dramas , drug of choice and lingo apart! Five years don't seem that long. But give it a moment worth of thought and you realize in reality, it is. You're on a whole different level.
I watched him fall asleep. I watched him anxiously deal with that pimple (which appeared overnight) in the mirror the next morning. I watched him scribble rebellious writings on the classroom desk. I watched him laugh with his friends. With his young girl friends. I see young blushing love blooming into something beautiful and it makes my heart ache. I may just be feeling more of a maternal love towards him. I'm no pedophile nor a raving nympho. He's just adorable. Red lips.Hazel eyes. He loves his lips and isn't shy to say it but it's his eyes that hold my interest. Something deep in there, something I can't seem to decipher, something young and foolish, passionate and curious. But he's barely 17 and I'm not getting any younger. For the first time, I feel the previously un-thought about age factor creeping in. Before I know it..lo and behold..right there will be my first line of wrinkle!
I will let him be. I will gather my dignity acquired with age and time, forgotten in seconds. I will move on to my cup of tea. Meanwhile, living every single moment of this life. People tend to realize the importance of life and time, with near death experiences. I just realized the importance of mine while taking in the beauty of youthfulness.

OR .........This whole thing might just have been the slow, dangerous effects of boredom! That is actually more likely:). Boredom is a dangerous disease. It's contagious. It's destructful. It's discreet and it kills. So all ye fellow sufferers...i'll be seeing you in all the burning glory of hell---
It's au revior and not goodbye!(*o*)zzzz
PS- will be posting more often than neseccary. All I gotta do right now anyway is be a bum around town for the next month or so. haha. the good life?? think again!

2006-06-20T17:38:00.000+01:00

typical ...its like i never knew football..other than the fact that 'der ball ist rund'. interest was gaining momentum during horrid thesis times and now that i'm done with the thesis ...im done with football too. can hardly make myself interested in who's playing who.wonder whats next for me. interest wise. am way too quick in losing interest in sumthing and once its gone...its goooone. bye bye tata see you horn ok.

It sure feels good not having anymore chapters to write n stuff to edit. Thesis submission went pretty smooth today contrary to the hectic scene i'd imagined in my head..running ard for sumthing to be done at the last minute!! nothing like that..like i said..went smooth. am happy. i think.

fussball

2006-06-11T10:42:00.000+01:00

I'm wondering...does the england win(1-0) against paraguay justify the singng in the streets?? I'd say HELL NO! What was that?? Fuck! It was 90 minutes of not- so -awesome tackling and shot on goals, misses, a fluke OG, offsides...booring, d-r-a-g.
A win is a win no matter what and those 3 points do count. But their overall performance was not enough to convince me that this is the team that is so hyped up and out to play the WC finals. I bet alot of other fans lost their confidence after that opening match. I mean...One goal !! and that too an own goal headed in by the opponent into his own net. Classic! Gamarra must be banging his head in spite of what he did! So, basically the bottomline is: England should really gear up and put in more energy and creativity for a better performance in the next matches. And we all know the Brits are obsessed with the weather but they should not blame their shitty performance on 30 degress of german heat. Chances are they will be playing alot of matches in the mid afternoon sun. Go England!
The argentina:civ(2:1) match was definately better, although I didn't watch this one. So where was me at 4am JPT during the kick off and the following 90 mintues?? Glued to my PC screen "reading" the Live text of the match on BBC which refreshes automatically every 2 minutes. By the end of it, my eyes were sore, but the WC is gaining momentum and thats exciting. Now into the third day...the lineup couldn't get more thrilling.Will be watching Australia vs Japan next on monday.
"May the best team win".
PS- *Purrrfectto* timing for fussball fever... just when I have a WEEK to power type 30 pages for my paper!! Fcuk!

as your day fades into my night.

2006-06-06T18:11:00.001+01:00

It started out as any other day...late in the afternoon, hungry, hot! I felt like I couldn't get out of bed without listening to a certain song from long ago. Never mind which song..it had its memories So lying in bed, I pulled my laptop closer and downloaded the song. A full 9 minutes wait later...the song filled the room with the right vibrations. Just what I needed to get myself out of bed on a monday morning..well afternoon. I got a bit of work done. Now about 40 pages through with the thesis due soon.
In the evening, I went out for a walk and brought back some groceries. Just the ingrediants for a perfect B.L.A.T. (Bacon.Lettuce.Avacado.Tomato sandwich). Later at night, I was home alone, so I took a chance on some 'me' time.Mood music and chilled beer. Everything was mellow and perfect.. and then..dotdotdot I received an email from this guy. Nobody important. The mail was from him, except, it was written by his girlfriend telling me to back off. Funny how things work. How... things go out there...out from the cradle of your mind, unintentional...only to come back to you all distorted.Twisted.
After that my night was pretty much fucked, or so I thought. It was tragically humorous.I didn't hold back from replying to that email at that very instant. I had a fun time writing the reply. After having done that, for the fun of it all.. I drank. Some more. No mellow mood, no enjoying the aroma of the wine now. I was drinking for the sole purpose of getting shitfaced and not beacuse of that silly mail alone. Wierd how all your annoying little grieveinces come back to you so easy when anger strikes. (it was sad to see the girl so insecure and horrified of someone who has no real interest in her man...but I was still pissed). After going through a bottle of wine and a couple of beers, I was hoping for some salvation. Temporary salvation of the mind. But I was deprived of even that! It just wasn't enough. I found an old bottle of gin lying in my room, standing alone in it's attractive bottle,half drunk... calling out. Meanwhile, the songs played into each other...I couldn't tell one from the other any longer. Was this my salvation? Was this the peace I was promised by my poison? Alcohol ...was not the answer I realized yet again..just as I've realized it so many times before . I shook it all off, my high.
I came crashing down. And I still had what's left of a smile on my face. Wierd is the word here..turn of events, me..

No body does the blues better

2006-06-02T10:18:00.000+01:00

lOVE IS A WASTE OF OUR ENERGY- LIFE IS A WASTE OF OUR TIME- SO WHY DON'T WE GET TOGETHER AND WE COULD WASTE EVERYTHING TONIGHT. AND WE COULD WASTE IT ALL TONIGHT...
i've got a symbol in my driveway, i've got a hundred million dollar friends
i've got you a brand new weapon. lets see how destructive we can be

i've got a brand new set of stencils, ive been connecting all the dots,
got my plans in a zip lock bag .lets see how unproductive we can be

i've got a light bulb full of anger and i can switch it on and off
in situations it can be so bright i cant believe, how pathetic we can be!

i've got a perfect set of blueprints , im gonna build somebody else
might cost a little more than money,but whats man without his wealth

i've got a phosphorescent secret but dont you tell nobody else
next thing you knowthe whole world will be talking
about all the clues they got
THEY JUST AIN'T NO USE
THEY'VE GOT US FOOLED

Strumming my pain wth his fingers..singing my life with his words...'In times like these, in times like those'..Jack Johnson. gotta love him!

Uncertain, unstable and searching ground.

2006-06-01T19:09:00.000+01:00

What can possibly cure the chaos in my mind? No alcohol will do, no music suffice. In a crowd, I find myself alone-with the sounds in my head. The night becomes a dreaded stretch of long silent hours. The world seems asleep and at peace. I console myself thinking maybe I'm not the only one crying myself to sleep tonight . But that doesn't seem to be of much help. The sounds turn into a frenzied banging of drums now...rhythms of which is out of sync with the throbbing in my head. That just makes it worse. Its too quiet outside. Oh god...let me get through this night. Let it be morning soon so I can finally rest my head on the pillow and hope of a dreamless sleep, amidst daytime noises that drown those in my head. Uncertainity is a wretched state of being.

The 'just-becoz-i-gta-blog' blog...

2006-05-30T16:23:00.000+01:00

My seminar Professor hates me. he's given up on me. he barely laid eyes on my 26 page of hard work...I showed him my questionnaire for approval..didn't look at that either. I said I'm planning on doing 50 ..but is he satisfied with that? noooooo..he want a bloody 100 respondents questionnaire...in japanese....for the locals in Beppu! @#$*! He couldn't have thought of a more sinister way to ruin my life.

Thesis progress went down the drain today...first of all, I'd left all my notes back at home. So i'm sitting in the library thinking..hmmmm. Then eventually end up having a looooong group discussion on the various theories about LOST-season 2 finale and the dharma initiative bull ! was interesting..but...aaah...the nagging guilt inside. nag-gg-ging!! "thesis. deadlne. thesis. deadline....."!

Later at night we made two large bowls of real good sangria fruit punch and headed for stephen's birthday surprise. the party started out ...reaal slow but caught up a bit with Monica's plot guessing game and i even won the first round and surprised myself. Got a shy kiss from the birthday boy for it.* don't worry..nothing exciting..just a quick peck on the cheek* :).That was his punishment for being the birthday boy haha. lucky for him some guy didnt win. actually that would have been funner. So there was cake, drinks and a horny cat with a pink collar called topsy. left pretty early coz we ran out of sangria...the only alcohol source in that party. It's barely 1 am..and i'm hitting the sack. started off early today..so am totally drained by now.
Got work tomorrow at night then later to another party . miyuki's birthday on the 1st so we giving her surprise bash at the karaoke. well...I think it is a surprise...anyway..
Karaoke wa mou...akitaa!!no more for a while after tomorrow night.

Okinawa plans gaining momentum...yay!! beach . sun. my very own blue sky holiday!! it better not rain on me!

-Later days.

lol

2006-05-26T19:55:00.001+01:00

Came across this picture out of the blue! Am posting it in context of my previous post.

Watched 20.21.23 of season 2, Lost tonight @ Rita's. With chilli doritos, prawn wafers,yummy lithuanian sausages and friends...it was a great watch. I truly heart Sawyer.
Sawyer(after screwing ana lucia): " What? you don't want my number?"
...they are LOST in an island!!! get it?!:) A whole lot of other one liners from this confidence man. Gotta love him. Showed a bit of his soft side as well when-------------dies! Yes..I am that considerate...no spoilers here!
Now waiting for the 2 hour long season finale....and hoping micheal dies. He is a bad bad man apart from the fact that he's I-wanna-rip-my-hair-out annoying!

Thesis status:

2006-05-24T20:41:00.000+01:00

10 pages out of 70..!! 60 pages..25 days. I better gear up or i'll be up shit creek ...without a paddle.

22 days and counting down...

2006-05-22T08:24:00.000+01:00

Now I must admit I'd never been anywhere close to interested in football. Although I did sit through the World cup 2002 finals- Brazil and Germany. And I watched a few videos of the 'best moments in football' waiting for a match to commense at 3am during the UEFA league championships in Portugal..but by then I'd fallen asleep! So yes..football meant THAT much to me. Until now. With 22 days left for the FIFA World Cup in Germany, I've been doing my homework. Checking out team profiles et al. Much left to be done before I can place a bet, if at all...but for now I'm rooting for Theo Walcott(arsenal)32, striker on england's team. england's not won a big one since.....a loong time ago 1966 world cup. But hopes are high this time around and my eyes are on Walcott, who just barely turned 17 in march this year!awwwwww..even Mr. No. 7..Uncle Beckham is happy with the 'young' one's...first rooney, now walcott.

As for Micheal Owen, he just looks yummy now don't he?!

hallelujah-RhaPSody in C major

2006-05-21T19:12:00.000+01:00

I was sitting at joyfull tonight when they played a tune of a hymn we used to sing in school. 'Make me a channel of your peace', beautiful lyrics. Brought back a flood of memories from what seems like long ago. Our dreaded, looong morning assemblies with bible reading and countless hymns praising the Lord! That nun..Sr. Jane I think, with her stubbed, nail less toe! ewww..and how us girls used to giggle at the slighest hint of anything being possibly far away from funny a.k.a at anything and everything to while away time at that assembly. The pointless thought for the day quotes like "as the chinese proverb says, what goes up must come down!" -like fucking hell it has to come down bitch.whr the hell will it disappear?? up ur fat ass maybe. thanks for that. it was QUITE a thought for MY day. will think about it all fucking day long!-

Insert: "I will not indulge in blasphamy! Forgive me father for I have sinned!"

Anyway, talking of some good songs...thought of another beautiful one we had learned back in school. About 12 of us had done a choreograped dance on it!! Yes ,we danced to the beats (or lack there of) of a hymn!! That day in summer...was quite something actually! We drew the curtains in the auditorium and made it dark before the assembly started and about 2000 girls came marching in...hurriedly enjoying their last few moments of bliss on chewing gum before spitting it out, unfolding skirts to proper length and tieing up hair into that neat crappy school hairdo. The teachers had no clue what was happening but we said it was for our "thought for the day". There was a never before excited humm in that audi(except for when the finnish spiritual rock band performed) and then.... we entered the stage. With candles...dressed in all black, dark denim and t- shirts...with a few ugly variations here n there. Like a girl who had a black tee which read in bold red "NO FEAR". Never mind that...the point was to do our carefully choreographed slow dance with candles and sit and form a cross in the end, so that what was seen were just flames shaping the holy cross. I almost burnt the hair of a girl in front of me!! But we were applauded! We were cheered for. We were the little ratpack of saintly heroes that saved the day.Well... atleast the morning assembly. AND we had a message of hope to impart while at it. In short, we kicked ass/pussy in the convent! aah good old days.
Heres the song below: If u take time to read it..its got good lyrics. * have inserted our choreography as well. Note: Safe to perform at home*

Verse 1-There is a candle in every soul ( enter and slow walk with candle in hand)
Some brightly burning, some dark and cold ( hide flame here with free hand)
There is a Spirit who brings fire ( make spirit fingers)
Ignites a candle and makes His home (hold out candle in front)

Chorus-Carry your candle, run to the darkness (lift candle in air with both hands)
Seek out the hopeless, confused and torn ( move free hand in one sweeping motion downward, palm up, subtly pointing at the Nuns)
Hold out your candle for all to see it ( hold candle with both hands again)
Take your candle, and go light your way

Verse 2-Frustrated brother, see how he's tried to (enter: a girl dresed as a thug)
Light his own candle some other way (shake head as if in deep sorrow and pity, keep a straight face while trying to supress bouts of giggles)
See now your sister, she's been robbed and lied to (enter: a girl looking sad but actually happy to be baring some skin with ripped clothes)
Still holds a candle without a flame

Chrous

V3-We are a family whose hearts are blazing ( troupe comes together while preparing for the final cross scene)
So let's raise our candles and light up the sky ( forget the sky..this is where I almost burnt a girl's hair!)
Praying to our Father, in the name of Jesus
Make us a beacon in darkest times

Repeat Chorus till fade. (form the cross finale, enjoy the silence bfo the applaud, then enjoy the applaud, exit stage. BLOW OUT CANDLE)

cbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcb

2006-05-20T20:55:00.000+01:00

5 am..just got back from the super, cool bananas!! I'm obviously not drunk shitfaced coz I can frame this damn sentence without a typo. Was fun though..same old same old..but fun. danced like as if I would be rendered handicapped tomorrow!Legs, hands, muscles, veins, blood pumping..heart...beating....mind ...........loosing fast. got ..to.. get ...some.. sleep.. now.

a burger, a punk, a balls-grabbin'-old-perv, a gun and me

2006-05-20T12:57:00.000+01:00

I was coming back to beppu..stopover nagoya...at the eki , a young punk. Walked around all smug but if you looked in his eyes you cud tell he's shitless scard and not too sure about how the next few minutes of his life is gna unfold. I was near a garbage can, eating a burger..not OUT of the garbage !eww...I was just hanging ard it for easy access to disposal of burger wrap!!So i'm eating..just doing my thing when this punk comes and sticks a gun on me and says he wants my bag. You'd think these things almost never happen in a country like Japan. I have a mouthful of burger. I paused my chewing.I was obviously dumbstruck but not scard. I wud've given the fellow my bag. He looked like this was his first time mugging someone. What followed was something rather peculiar..funny. A salary man walks past us and grabs the punk kid's balls and walks past as if he did this every day, normally. He doesn't even look back. Meanwhile, the kid has a look of death on his face...embarrassed to death! Eyes wide, jaw hanging ...
I knew there was my guardian angel in that salarayman, I took my chance. I took the gun from the kid's hand and told him, " kakoii na, kore wa..honto ni anata no?". And, he ran. He ran as if the devil was out to get him..out to grab his balls again perhaps?! I looked around,I could've dumped the thing into the garbage but instead, for a reason I cannot fathom even as i write this, I discreetly put the gun in my bag and walked on. I reached beppu, saw there were three bullets in that gorgeous thing. I smashed a few bottles in the park with it..missing one ..hitting two!!! Damn ! I was good at it. But then we all tend me make heroes of ourselves in dreams. In real life, I wonder how I wouldve handled the situation. But one things for sure, I would've sure loved to have that gun to myself anyways. y'know..just incase...bwahahaha.

The Shawshank Redemption.....hope sets you free!!

2006-05-16T18:25:00.000+01:00

Another one of master story teller Stephen King's classics. The Green Mile was a good read and the movie was ok. This one about prison again, was one of those heard-alot-about-but-never-got-a-chance-to-watch movies.Until now. I just watched it and well...it was truly a piece of work. Worth those 3 hours of my life. It had been a while.

Andy(Tim robbins) , although innocent, is charged with two counts of murder of his wife and her lover . A sentence is carried out that he should serve life in prison. Once the prison gates swing shut on him, thats when the real movie starts. Entre: Inmate Red (morgan freeman), "the guy who can get anything from cigarrettes to shoe laces" for inmates, ofcourse charging 20%. Serving 20 years already, he knows everything within the prison walls too well. Or does he? He looses the bet he makes on Andy when he arrives at Shawshank prison.That the new guy Andy will be the first among others to break down and cry on his first night in the cell. Andy proves him wrong, costing Red 2 packs of lucky strike cigarettes !! *just precious*...the rest of the movie continues over a span of 20-30 years in prison, with dubious sub plots to keep one engaged. A movie about corruption,survival, lasting friendships and about making a choice: get busy living or get busy dying! But mainly the theme is centered around Hope and hope ....gets me. It's beautiful. Just makes me go a big mushy one! Excellent performance by actors...Perfect fin...perfect movie. :) yokatta. Not many good movies out there that leave you with an afterthought....
A chapter of 'Omerta' now and I'm calling it a night!

wedding bells, one too many...??

2006-05-15T14:13:00.000+01:00

This is huge! I've just been asked to do the honour of being a bride's maid for my friend's wedding next fall! As it might be expected , I screamed.Then she screamed. Louder. We both screamed. I'm so excited and happy for her, she's found a good bloke for herself. And here I am still stuck on crushes....gosh I need to just grow up or something. There's a saying," always the bridesmaid, never the bride!" A rather scary saying..that one. Well never mind me*sigh*...it's her time now. We gonna celebrate!

This just in: Another girlfriend just got engaged to her year long boyfriendo and is now officially flashing a gold platinuim band...godamn ...I wanna get married toooooooooo0. Ok, maybe I went a bit overboard with the number of o's in too. but hell...i'd do it again...I wanna get married tooooooo!!:)

So, right here! Whats the deal-io, yo?

Is it a phase? Is it a feeling? nooo! It's (my silly-red-sheet-underwear-inside-out)Superman! and yea he's fashionably late and I'm waiting. Meanwhile, , , I will crush and flirt. crash and burn. trash and live on ...all this while simultaneously looking up to the night skies...wishing upon ... Krypton!Although the last I heard, the place was falling apart. AND Marlon Brando is really dead!

It's just a little crush...

2006-05-14T14:27:00.000+01:00

my latest crush update:

name: Urushima
workplace: kuta ramen, chef
timings: 9pm -1:30am
best buds: mr. stupppid pervert and mr. cute-happy-smile. together they be the three stooges.
School: Beppu daikgaku
year: 2nd year
sport: baseball( beppu dai baseball team)
Eyes: dark
smile: killer. RARE!
class: Jock, sporty.
boy or Man? : seems to be getting there.
personality: quiet, smooth, kakkoi.
voice: deep
Attraction factor: ...,..., looks best when in concentration at work(which for him is cooking.)
Attraction level: red alert/High/normal/none/attraction?/whatever.
my flirt attempts: 2
his flirt attempts: 1.5
credit stars(out of 5): 3.5
hot factor(out of 5 chillies): 4 chillies
X factor(out of 5): 4
Crush or Trash?: Crush!

In memorium..phasing in.

2006-05-11T16:26:00.000+01:00

Dear You,

With every beat ...with every breath ..I find myself running out of time. Don't have time to soak in all this glorious sun that bathes our bodies and our souls. Soon those dark clouds looming over there in that beckoning horizon will make its melodramatic entry into a picture perfect scene. Soon we'll be torn apart amidst an outburst of heavy rain. This rain..it will taste, not of sweet, pure heavenly showers, but of salt! Salt from the deep ocean of our hearts. Broken. Salt into the deepest cut.

What will be the last word I'd want to say to you before we part? I frame it in my head. I wonder. I don't want to say 'i'll miss you' for that I forever will. It's better left unspoken and for u to understand.I don't want to say 'take cake'...coz hell yea I want you to take good care. I don't want to say 'keep in touch' coz (apart from being lame) we will no matter what. I probably will just say two simple words.....'thank you'. For all the times we shared...all the life we lived...all the sighs we sighed together...all the nights we laughed and cried and all the days we spent.They will remain beautiful memories...vivid for a while. Inevitably, as Time moves on so stealthly...the memories will tend to blur ....but it will forever remain just like that. Like a beautiful dream- blurred at the edges. Those that make you softly smile in the morning upon vaguely remembering it. They will never fade. This is sumthing even a thief of the high Sahara can't steal from me on his night's work.
So thank you for these!! My life has a burst of colour because of it. And long after we're gone....our presence resonates in the stones, the trees..the roads we walked on...in everything. If you or I come back , years later and listen..we will surely hear our laughter on that short, sweet summer day.

Signed,
Yours Truly,
Senti n totally mental.
:)

being cyrus

2006-05-09T19:20:00.000+01:00

afterthoughts? the king and the pawn *does* eventually go back to the same box. was different for an indie scene but nothing groundbreaking otherwise. kept me clueless till about the near end. seemingly effortless potryal of the dark and twisted. If only it wasn't for the uncoordinated audio/visual. Cyrus *saif ali khan* screamed, "Shit!!" and the lip followed one whole minute later. technical hitches be damned. Dimple Kapadia was her 'bees saal baad' self. Scary woman that one. Naseruddin Shah..m'ashaallah! he's always good. Simone singh did quite well too...in the bit where she played a bitch. hmmm...no spoilers here for those who haven't watched yet.

new thread

2006-05-09T13:29:00.000+01:00

ek gilasi, do gilasi, teen gilasi, char....!! raise em high up... its time for a toast!
here's to new beginnings. a new blog. the rest is unwritten. the best is unwritten. :)