girls of summer

back from Kuju. sure was a nice break. the farmhouse- practically in the middle of nowhere in the mountains, near the still smoking dormant volcano- was a verry chilled out place...a lovely bbq and a couple of beers with fun company was just was I needed to wile away my holdiay time inbetween the island vacation am gna be making soon. Sleeping in the attic was good fun as well:) Blessed with perfect weather in the middle of the rainy season was sheer luck. Too bad star gazing was not on the ..well..stars, coz the sky was still a bit overcast. But I did watch fireflies glow around the deep forest surrounding us and slept to the sounds of cricket chirrping and frogs doing what they do best. At one point, while sitting by myself out on the deck, strumming the guitar under the night sky, I was oblivious to every thing around me...everything except the gentle cool breeze (ok fine..a bit too chilly) and the sounds of the mid summer night. Sort of sick to see buildings and hurried people everywhere, now that im back in so called civilization and the sounds of cars on the highways is clearly turning out to be a nuisance .. a pain in the ear really. One night admist nature somewhere far from the maddening crowd, can make you more sensitive to the sounds and sights of what you live through every sinlgle day. funny that.
am wonderfully drowsy right now in this summer heat...think i'll take a catnap..Maybe dream a little about okinawan beaches and all the fun in the sun...

aeturnus eternus II: Elaine of Astolat

"..But who hath seen her wave her hand?
Or at the casement seen her stand?
Or is she known in all the land,
The Lady of Shalott? "

"...There she weaves by night and day-- She has heard a whisper say,A curse is on her if she stay
To look down to Camelot. "

"...And moving through a mirror clear--that hangs before her all the year, Shadows of the world appear."


"...From the bank and from the river-- He flashed into the crystal mirror,..by the river sang Sir Lancelot."

"...She left the web, she left the loom,
She made three paces through the room,
She saw the water-lily bloom, She saw the helmet and the plume,
She look'd down to Camelot.

:..The mirror crack'd from side to side; "The curse is come upon me," cried The Lady of Shalott. "

"...Lying, robed in snowy white
That loosely flew to left and right -- The leaves upon her falling light -- Thro' the noises of the night, She floated down to Camelot.."

"..she reached upon the tide, the first house by the waterside
Singing in her song she died, The lady of Shalott"

"...Lancelot mused a little space
He said, "She has a lovely face;
God in his mercy lend her grace, The Lady of Shalott."

*When they found her dead on the boat in Camelot, she had a letter for Lancelot in one hand and a bunch of lillies on the other.She died of heartbreak for she could never get Lancelot's love. Although!! the letter said that he pay for her funeral with his gold!! ..GO lily maid of astolat..the Lady of Shalott! That was ttly midIEVAL :)

aeturnus eternus I : Elaine of Astolat

(The White Knight,Walter Crane,1870)

"...The helmet and the helmet-feather
Burn'd like one burning flame together,
As he rode down to Camelot.

His broad clear brow in sunlight glow'd;
On burnish'd hooves his war-horse trode;
From underneath his helmet flow'd
His coal-black curls as on he rode,
As he rode down to Camelot." - Tennyson, The Lady of Shallot.

If I could write songs like Kurt Cobain...

...they would go a bit like these!! ( excuse the time I have at hand!! just time and only time. fuck it )
NB: Sing along how u like it!! Any amatuer music composers reading this...write up a tab and contact me @ Thesis Aftermath productions, 8750925 ,JP !:)
Explicit content.

Song No.#1..lemme call this one ....
Open wound

Verse 1 :
Finding it hard to give a fuck
find it hard to care, what u say
I guess I have the attention deficit dis
Oh yea I’d like a whiskey now
Where was I ?
Beer tastes good
Astringent glory
I don’t care what you do
What u say what u feel
Who you have by your side
A flashy accessory,cheap
I don’t care about ur heartbreak on two feet
Yea those heels she’ll use em good
And u’ll be left there, gaping wide

V2:
Funny so funny turns and times
Its was me next is you
Have a happy life
A bad life I don’t give a fuck
Coz I love yellow water
Yea am doing my time in my head
In my high security high walled heart
Chained and free
See me ..
See me now
I walk away…yeaaaah

Interlude: No escaping till your’e gone
Mabe ur going when I’m gooone (x bunch of times)
Aaah..yeah yeah yeah aaaaaaaaaaah scream shout
When am I gone
When im gone
Im gone
For good
For good and gone ...repeat til fade:)


Underratted

Beautiful boy
Natural 9 to 9
U rock my world yea
U rock my world yea

I caught u ugly
So ugly
In my head
U rocked my world yea
U rocked my world yea

Blow up that balloon and hide your face in pink X 5



Guilt trip


The ride of ur life for free
Under age pay with tears
Maybe apologies
Over 21 ur free to go its for free yea
This guilt trip. Wild ride on the wild side
Sit back and enjoy
See the fleeting scenes out your window, your eye
Its not the destination but the journey
Guilt trippin wooaaooaa
Let me see who wooaoaaa
Be trippin tonight
woaaaaa yeaaaaa

TO the old woman living two doors down

Old woman
go slow
ur bent
go slow
ragged ann n andy,dusty dolls
priceless gifts
an angel in wrinkled skin
you are being watched and judged
nullifying ur misdeeds with this deed
your good. your quite alrite mrs. i dont know your name!
ooooweeewuuuu yea yea yea


Worry when its useless

Fucking piece of flaming shit
Its broken ..its broken
heres bad news
My only refuge
Broken and torn
Useless piece of burning piss
You ruled
Now ur just broken
So broken
And im in lack of a muse
bemused misused amused
But ur just useless ,abused
Like 10 in a team, t in the eam
Ur short of a string a melody a chord
fucking piece of shaped n polished wood!!
arrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh x 5 (repeat till fade)
This last one is written for my guitar with a broken string!!

So there, thats it for now. theres more whr that came from but not suitable for public viewing.:)

PS-None of the above intends to riducule Kurt Cobain and his songs with Nirvana. He was an excellent musican in his own right, in the league of the greatest rockers to grace the stage. RIP.

when the old come out to play...

A sweet old lady gives you a doll!
What could possibly be so scary about that??? I'll tell you what is scary!
The first time this happened there were 3 old and ragged japanese dolls ,one with a twisted head. Months passed as I suspiciously eyed those dolls lying on the hallway. And then there was today, infact a moment ago! Just thought I need to blog this one fresh.

So its a rainy grey day, cold, dreary and gloomy with the ocassional thunderbolts n lightening to thrill. Our apartment door is wide open to let in some fresh air. I am making pasta on a typical lazy sunday evening when I hear the door bell. Before I cud pop my head out the kitchen to see who it is, right in walks the old lady with more old dolls lying lifeless and all collected on her apron. 'Shocked' is the only word I can think of right then. While I'm still managing to make indecipherable noises, she kneels herself down and starts arranging those dolls on the table..like properly arranging them so they all face one side in unison. I manage to retrive my voice and call out for aastha. She comes into the kitchen a while later, shocked to see an old lady doing things with ragged dusty dolls on our kitchen table. The old woman says that we make paper chits and decide among us three roomies who gets which doll... then walks out as hauntingly as she'd walked in.

Aastha n me were left staring at each other then the 13 or so dolls, then back to each other. I picked a doll and saw it was sort of in mourning or just dead as a ghost. The doll is dressed in black, death pale white face, large gaunt eyes, black long hair(think adams family). brrrrr...freaked me out,i tell ya!
Now it's just more number of dolls for me to suspiciously eye everytime I walk in and out the front door. Its just lying there coz I dont want to touch it or mess aroud with it. Later thinking of the possibilities, I ended up wondering if that sweet old strange woman was being paid by the goverment to tap conversations and bugged the doll to keep an eye out for "those gaijins". Nah, the possibility in that was zero to none. Maybe she is really lonely and just really sweet and wants to give us things..even if those are things lying undusted for decades on her mantle. It's so difficult to blindly trust people in todays world, its just so sad. I'll be sending a quiet prayer out for her...that old lonely woman who lives two doors down...

blues of the perfect life.

---everyone loves my life but me---

What did I say about the frequent unnecessary posts??? Not more than 10 minutes have ticked away(I can hear it) and I'm back ...It's 4:02 am and I can't seem to get any shut eye. Funny how I'm not alone in this. I can hear my roommate in the other room singing along with Phil Collins! "Oh think twice, its just another day for you and me in paradise. " HOLY!! It actually IS just a matter of the symbolic 'another day' for us in paradise. We are here today. We will go for one last holiday to an island in the sun. And then we go our separate ways. I am only as strong as the coffee I drink, the hair spray I use, the friends I have...I don't want this time in paradise to end!!
ooo now its " Billy -the son of a preacher man..." She sings mighty well that woman. :)
Right then. I really need to sleep before the privacy of my insanity is threatened by the limelight. Later days!
Shit! just remembered...have to get up early tomorrow and make chicken curry for lunch at a friend's. Will start counting sheep from ..NOW!

the restless mind at work again!

Is it ok to fancy someone when you have a five year age difference in between? Its a whole half decade of hit singles, trends, hairstyles, history, tv dramas , drug of choice and lingo apart! Five years don't seem that long. But give it a moment worth of thought and you realize in reality, it is. You're on a whole different level.
I watched him fall asleep. I watched him anxiously deal with that pimple (which appeared overnight) in the mirror the next morning. I watched him scribble rebellious writings on the classroom desk. I watched him laugh with his friends. With his young girl friends. I see young blushing love blooming into something beautiful and it makes my heart ache. I may just be feeling more of a maternal love towards him. I'm no pedophile nor a raving nympho. He's just adorable. Red lips.Hazel eyes. He loves his lips and isn't shy to say it but it's his eyes that hold my interest. Something deep in there, something I can't seem to decipher, something young and foolish, passionate and curious. But he's barely 17 and I'm not getting any younger. For the first time, I feel the previously un-thought about age factor creeping in. Before I know it..lo and behold..right there will be my first line of wrinkle!
I will let him be. I will gather my dignity acquired with age and time, forgotten in seconds. I will move on to my cup of tea. Meanwhile, living every single moment of this life. People tend to realize the importance of life and time, with near death experiences. I just realized the importance of mine while taking in the beauty of youthfulness.

OR .........This whole thing might just have been the slow, dangerous effects of boredom! That is actually more likely:). Boredom is a dangerous disease. It's contagious. It's destructful. It's discreet and it kills. So all ye fellow sufferers...i'll be seeing you in all the burning glory of hell---
It's au revior and not goodbye!(*o*)zzzz
PS- will be posting more often than neseccary. All I gotta do right now anyway is be a bum around town for the next month or so. haha. the good life?? think again!

typical ...its like i never knew football..other than the fact that 'der ball ist rund'. interest was gaining momentum during horrid thesis times and now that i'm done with the thesis ...im done with football too. can hardly make myself interested in who's playing who.wonder whats next for me. interest wise. am way too quick in losing interest in sumthing and once its gone...its goooone. bye bye tata see you horn ok.

It sure feels good not having anymore chapters to write n stuff to edit. Thesis submission went pretty smooth today contrary to the hectic scene i'd imagined in my head..running ard for sumthing to be done at the last minute!! nothing like that..like i said..went smooth. am happy. i think.

fussball

I'm wondering...does the england win(1-0) against paraguay justify the singng in the streets?? I'd say HELL NO! What was that?? Fuck! It was 90 minutes of not- so -awesome tackling and shot on goals, misses, a fluke OG, offsides...booring, d-r-a-g.
A win is a win no matter what and those 3 points do count. But their overall performance was not enough to convince me that this is the team that is so hyped up and out to play the WC finals. I bet alot of other fans lost their confidence after that opening match. I mean...One goal !! and that too an own goal headed in by the opponent into his own net. Classic! Gamarra must be banging his head in spite of what he did! So, basically the bottomline is: England should really gear up and put in more energy and creativity for a better performance in the next matches. And we all know the Brits are obsessed with the weather but they should not blame their shitty performance on 30 degress of german heat. Chances are they will be playing alot of matches in the mid afternoon sun. Go England!
The argentina:civ(2:1) match was definately better, although I didn't watch this one. So where was me at 4am JPT during the kick off and the following 90 mintues?? Glued to my PC screen "reading" the Live text of the match on BBC which refreshes automatically every 2 minutes. By the end of it, my eyes were sore, but the WC is gaining momentum and thats exciting. Now into the third day...the lineup couldn't get more thrilling.Will be watching Australia vs Japan next on monday.
"May the best team win".
PS- *Purrrfectto* timing for fussball fever... just when I have a WEEK to power type 30 pages for my paper!! Fcuk!

as your day fades into my night.

It started out as any other day...late in the afternoon, hungry, hot! I felt like I couldn't get out of bed without listening to a certain song from long ago. Never mind which song..it had its memories So lying in bed, I pulled my laptop closer and downloaded the song. A full 9 minutes wait later...the song filled the room with the right vibrations. Just what I needed to get myself out of bed on a monday morning..well afternoon. I got a bit of work done. Now about 40 pages through with the thesis due soon.
In the evening, I went out for a walk and brought back some groceries. Just the ingrediants for a perfect B.L.A.T. (Bacon.Lettuce.Avacado.Tomato sandwich). Later at night, I was home alone, so I took a chance on some 'me' time.Mood music and chilled beer. Everything was mellow and perfect.. and then..dotdotdot I received an email from this guy. Nobody important. The mail was from him, except, it was written by his girlfriend telling me to back off. Funny how things work. How... things go out there...out from the cradle of your mind, unintentional...only to come back to you all distorted.Twisted.
After that my night was pretty much fucked, or so I thought. It was tragically humorous.I didn't hold back from replying to that email at that very instant. I had a fun time writing the reply. After having done that, for the fun of it all.. I drank. Some more. No mellow mood, no enjoying the aroma of the wine now. I was drinking for the sole purpose of getting shitfaced and not beacuse of that silly mail alone. Wierd how all your annoying little grieveinces come back to you so easy when anger strikes. (it was sad to see the girl so insecure and horrified of someone who has no real interest in her man...but I was still pissed). After going through a bottle of wine and a couple of beers, I was hoping for some salvation. Temporary salvation of the mind. But I was deprived of even that! It just wasn't enough. I found an old bottle of gin lying in my room, standing alone in it's attractive bottle,half drunk... calling out. Meanwhile, the songs played into each other...I couldn't tell one from the other any longer. Was this my salvation? Was this the peace I was promised by my poison? Alcohol ...was not the answer I realized yet again..just as I've realized it so many times before . I shook it all off, my high.
I came crashing down. And I still had what's left of a smile on my face. Wierd is the word here..turn of events, me..

No body does the blues better

lOVE IS A WASTE OF OUR ENERGY- LIFE IS A WASTE OF OUR TIME- SO WHY DON'T WE GET TOGETHER AND WE COULD WASTE EVERYTHING TONIGHT. AND WE COULD WASTE IT ALL TONIGHT...
i've got a symbol in my driveway, i've got a hundred million dollar friends
i've got you a brand new weapon. lets see how destructive we can be

i've got a brand new set of stencils, ive been connecting all the dots,
got my plans in a zip lock bag .lets see how unproductive we can be

i've got a light bulb full of anger and i can switch it on and off
in situations it can be so bright i cant believe, how pathetic we can be!

i've got a perfect set of blueprints , im gonna build somebody else
might cost a little more than money,but whats man without his wealth

i've got a phosphorescent secret but dont you tell nobody else
next thing you knowthe whole world will be talking
about all the clues they got
THEY JUST AIN'T NO USE
THEY'VE GOT US FOOLED

Strumming my pain wth his fingers..singing my life with his words...'In times like these, in times like those'..Jack Johnson. gotta love him!

Uncertain, unstable and searching ground.

What can possibly cure the chaos in my mind? No alcohol will do, no music suffice. In a crowd, I find myself alone-with the sounds in my head. The night becomes a dreaded stretch of long silent hours. The world seems asleep and at peace. I console myself thinking maybe I'm not the only one crying myself to sleep tonight . But that doesn't seem to be of much help. The sounds turn into a frenzied banging of drums now...rhythms of which is out of sync with the throbbing in my head. That just makes it worse. Its too quiet outside. Oh god...let me get through this night. Let it be morning soon so I can finally rest my head on the pillow and hope of a dreamless sleep, amidst daytime noises that drown those in my head. Uncertainity is a wretched state of being.