of offsides, postal fuck ups and sleep deprivation

Forget relationship and character analysis of determining whos from mars and who's from venus. The determining factor I think lies in one seemingly simple question, 'what is an offside'? You know you're from mars if you clear your throat and prepare to 'educate' the person with a 10 minute explanation or reach out for the nearest objects (salt n pepper shaker,beer cans,etc. ) to explain an offside. On the other side of the spectrum, you definately know you're from venus- no matter how much football you know-if yo
u use verbal abuse as a matter of fending off the question in the first place and then later get into a defense mode.
Example
Some twit: "So then, whats an offside?"
Venus: "What are you crazy, asking me that silly question? I mean, what the fuck? Do YOU know what the fuck it is? "
(Interpretation: ' Lets see.offside.hmm..happens alot during matches but I haven't the smallest clue!' )

As for me, its yet another breakthru evidence that I am undoubtedly from Venus (as if I had doubts haha). Well, I read up on it(offside for dummies)...so I now I won't be totally ignorant and therefore irritated at being asked the dreaded question. But I still can't seem to figure it out for sure. I mean the attacker can be in an offside position and still not be commiting an offside coz he's not interfering with the play? coz he's not active in play but oh ..just hanging out by the goal post? ugh. I quit. Atleast I know just about enough to understand and enjoy the game. Don't need to get into the gritty details. Thats what those refrees with flags are there for. Or maybe there's nothing to it! As in, am I trying to understand what I already know, thinking theres actually more to it! Well...we'll never know. :)
In other news:
Almost killed a post man today. Had slept at 6am after the match and at 12:56 the door bell rings frantically. I wake up and yell, "Fuck!~" and thomp my sleepy ass to the door. THOMP. THOMP. THOMP. THOMP.Blood boiling. forhead creasing. eyes narrowing. heart rate off the richter. So I opened the door and thrs this gay ass post man asking me if im somebody im not.Do I look Japanese?? I kept yelling What? What do u want? I scowled at that man and had a sudden surge of murderous instincts. I yanked the post out of his hands. Flapped it and slapped it on the door still yelling, "This is not me. Watashi jyanai...watashi JYAANNAII! " I handed him back the letter and slammed the door on his face. Came back to my bed thomping again and just when I thought I'd go back to sleep...my alarm went off at 13:00!! Bottomline: I haaate to be woken before my alarm goes off. Why do you think I set the alarm at that time anyway? SO I CAN WAKE UP BEFORE JUST TO WAIT AND HEAR IT GO OFF?? PHA....